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Winning Your High School Reunion – South Side

I’m in pursuit of the suspect.
I mean, I was hurdling cars.I was coming in the building,
and there was falling debris.
It was like a real
Liam Neeson moment.
I get it.
You’re trapped on a roof. Uh, can you just describe
your surroundings?Okay.
Yeah, let’s see.
Uh, a lot of trees. Uh, there are people,
mostly African-American. Okay. You just described
all of South Shore, so can you just scream? Alright. [ Screams ] Okay, that was pretty good,
but I’m just — I’m gonna need you to scream
a little louder. Just give it all you got. [ Screaming ] [ Laughs ]Can you hear me?No, I can’t hear you, idiot.
Not at all. I’m just
enjoying myself. Motherfucker. Do your ghetto antics
know no bounds? Oh, and now I have
a sore throat. Great. Fine. Um, I got it. Just aim at the lake
and fire your gun. [ Gunshots ] Okay, I heard you.
I know where you are. I’m gonna come now.Wait, I didn’t fire.Really?
Oh, damn. Now I got to go
check that out. Fuck! [ Bell rings ] Man: Extras to holding, please. All extras, please go to
holding. Martinez? Oh, what up, Turner? How are you doing? Good. Y’all out here, uh,
shooting fake guns? Yeah, love that set duty. Mm-hmm. I’m shocked y’all even filming
on the South Side. Don’t nobody be over here. Wait.
Is that Brenda Cole? Mm-hmm. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.
I’m obsessed with her. You want to meet her? Uh, yeah, nigga. Obviously.
Just get it going. We talked. I gave her a compliment
about her pants earlier today, and she was like,
“Thank you.” Oh, my God.
I knew she was so nice. She said it to me. You know how
you can just feel sometimes some people
just like real nice? It’s an energy, you know. Damn, she look nice.
Oh, man. Girl, this wig
is tweaking me out. This whole time I thought
that was your real hair. It’s incredible, right? Yes. I mean, like, this is some Nicholas Cage-level
craftsmanship. What that cost —
like, a stack, right? Hmm, try ten. $10,000?! Heh. Yeah. God. And here I was, thinking
I was doing something with my little sew-in. No, I love your hair. Like, that length?
Perfect on you. And if you did
bottle service, they would have to give you
the big sparkler. Thank you because I did
do bottle service, but that was another life. So your portrayal
of a strong black female cop on the South Side? I see no lies. Mm-hmm. How do you prepare? Hm, a good question. So I guess when I first
get the script, I like to count how many scenes
I have just to make sure I don’t have to cuss
nobody out. You know, because if I’m not in
the scene, I’m not here… ♪ Everything is waiting
for you ♪ Hey, Goodnight.
You alive? Turner. Turner! Please, I don’t know how much
longer I can last up here. There’s so many condoms,
all shapes and sizes. Okay.
You got to fire your weapon. It’s the only way
I can find you. What?
Now I — I have to account for every bullet
and file a report. Okay, well, how about this?
I’ll just call the station. They will, um,
send you a helicopter, and then you’ll be known
as helicopter guy. Nope, don’t do that. I’m already the guy
who broke the Keurig. I can’t handle another title. Okay, so then, aim at the lake
and fire five times. Fuck it. [ Gunshots ] [ Alarm rings ] Alright, everybody.
Clear out now. There you go, come on. I’m sorry! You don’t want to look like the
man with the bullet in his head. Let’s go.
It’s not safe, it’s not safe. Wrap it up.
Alright. You done good, ol’ black ass.
I’m gonna radio Wierzbowski and have the guys
come pick you up. No, no, no, no, no, no!
Don’t do that, don’t do that! No, I’ll never
live it down. Goodnight,
I cannot come get you. I’ve got my memorial
tonight.Memorial?You said it was a reunion?Oh. Memorial, reunion. If everybody’s gon’ be
there, what’s the difference? For one, someone’s dead. Goodbye. Hey, come on, come on, hat guy. ♪ And I had just seen him ♪ ♪ Everything seemed just fine ♪ ♪ I said hit me in a minute,
but now a minute is a lifetime ♪ ♪ And I just seen him ♪ -I miss you, dawg.
-Thank you. I love Bustdowns. Um, I also, too,
had just seen him. Thank you so much for all of you
who came out to our friend Chuckie’s home going — [ Footsteps approach ] Damn. She look like Brenda Cole. ♪ That’s why I be flight
on bitches ♪ ♪ They hate to see me living ♪ ♪ They sneakin’,
they dissin’ ♪ You filled out
quite nicely. -Ooh.
-Okay. Alright.
Are you good? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I’m well.
Thank you. Okay. As I was saying,
Chuckie once told me, um, “100 percent of the shots
you don’t take, you miss.” Um — dear… ♪ I just be chasin’ that bread
and dodging the feds ♪ ♪ Most of my partners,
they jungle gorillas ♪ ♪ They OG, they legends,
and some of them killas ♪ Tinisha? You filled out nicely, too. Erin: I’m so glad you’re all
coming. Thank you again. As I was saying, um,
and it — Oh, my gosh. Man: Damn. ♪ Stilettos on my feet,
now I’m speakin’ shit ♪ ♪ Baby ♪ ♪ Looking like a snack
for a champion ♪ ♪ Dress fit right like
I hit the gym ♪ Alright, and —
you know what? Just — Just come on. Jalitha here, too? She the most thick.
But it’s close. ♪ I feel my ass shake
when I walk ♪ ♪ I see my ass shake
when I walk ♪ Damn. ♪ I feel my ass shake ♪ Look at these hoochies.
Look at this. All dressed like they
going to some type of high school reunion.
This is a memorial. Damn. Some of y’all aren’t here
for the right reasons. Yes, Erin, please.
Clean these hoes up. I think she talking
to you, baby. I think your Party City wig
is crooked, baby.

About James Carlton

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