why i left school
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why i left school

okay this video you know, i’m a little, i’m on edge okay, i’m a little bit on edge because I’ve kinda been putting this off i don’t know. It’s not like anything i’ve ever made before I’m like nervous but i really want to tell you guys more about what’s going on in my life, because there’s a certain part of my life that i feel like I’m kind of hiding, from you guys. And, this isn’t fucking clickbait. This isn’t like some sort of like let me just get into it, i guess. so, this is kind of going to be a combination of the story of why I left school, combined with why i started my youtube channel. and it all kind of ties in together, and it’s kind of just my story. I don’t know. like, not my story of my whole life, this isn’t like a draw my life here’s kinda…what happened i guess let’s start out with why i started my youtube channel So, i’m a junior in high school, right now. I’m 16. Junior in high school. blah blah blah okay, flash backwards to sophomore year. the end of the year, second semester. to put it in simple terms i was just having a shitty time like ass i maybe showed up to school 3 times a week i couldn’t fucking do it. like i would just sit in class and i would just cry like i don’t even know why. it wasn’t my school’s fault. it wasn’t anyone’s fault i just didn’t like the environment i totally had too much on my plate. at this point i wasn’t even doing youtube yet, mind you this was when i was literally just in school like that was my only like kind of thing that i was doing in my life towards the end of the year, I i had became severely depressed i couldn’t go to school. I couldn’t hang out with my friends i had completely cut off all my friends i didn’t hang out on the weekends i didn’t do anything. And it sucked. i mean it really fucking sucked. and of course, i’m pretty sure everyone’s probably felt something close to it. whether it’s in a very small or a very large kind of way second semester of sophomore year was probably one of the worst times i’ve had i didn’t even come to the last day of school the last day of school was June first the day before that was May 30th right? i think. yeah. on May 30th i took my driver’s test i failed. i was fucking so sad because to me getting my license was like this will give me a way to escape, ya know if i’m having a hard day if i’m feeling fucking depressed as hell and i just like want to have some time to myself if i just wanna like go and get food, by myself if i just want to like spend time by myself i felt like having my license was something that could give me that and so i was kinda connecting getting my drivers license with like having an escape from what i was going through so when i failed my test my depression immediately got worse I mean it was so bad like I literally couldn’t get out of my bed thus I didn’t go to school the last day, which was the last day of school so i was really upset and i ended up talking to my dad for like i don’t know two and a half hours or something just about, like, what am i gonna do? like, i need something that can, like, help me escape from what i’m going through thus, i started my youtube channel. First video I posted was, like, a lookbook, or something. right. May 30th was such a f***king sh*ty day for me I was like, I need to like get my head out of this immediately I want to just like start a YouTube channel. I don’t know why. I just wanted to do that. So then, the next day, I went to San Francisco with my dad He filmed the video for me next day I post it, it was up and all this began over the summer I was posting almost everyday. for a while there I was just like vlogging all my vacation I mean I was hardcore on that youtube grind like you best believe I loved it it was so great fully pulled me out of my depression 100 percent in the beginning there I didn’t even care who how many people like saw my video I didn’t care about my views I didn’t care about my subscribers I didn’t, like, not that I didn’t care about my subcribers But I didn’t care about the number of subscribers I had I was just excited to be doing something new with my life like I was just excited to be starting a new journey with my life, I guess it kinda gave me this feeling of hope that depression wasn’t ruling my life I had something else that was making me happy, and that was YouTube and it still, to this day continues to do that for me and I’m eternally grateful, if that’s even the right word to use fast-forward to the end of summer I kinda rekindled my friendships with some of friends and, I was kinda back to normal i wasn’t depressed anymore i was almost fully outta that i wasn’t.. i was really emotionally stable like, i could have a shitty ass day and like at the end of the day I would still be smiling, ya know it was good, i was really stable start school, junior year and i’ve always been somebody who is super into school if you will i really work hard at school i really put a lot of effort into school it’s something that i’ve always prioritised as my number one thing that was like what i thought my future was i thought that my future was gonna like be determined by what my grades were etc. and that’s why i put so much effort into it but for me, during this year, i started out and I, of course, i was taking a lot of AP’s and I was taking a lot of honours and it was… it was a lot! and I quickly fell back into a very, very depressed state and it was very hard for me to film videos it was very hard for me to edit videos I remember there were multiple nights where I pulled all-nighters trying to be able to do youtube and school because for me youtube was what kept me… sane.. in a way so it was like for me, i would rather not sleep and get a video up because getting that video up is the only thing that gives me an ounce of happiness while being at school literally made me wanna die i started falling back into my old habits, i wasn’t showing up to school I was late, like everyday sometimes i’d pull up to school, i’d be sitting in the car, and i’d be fucking balling my eyes out and I just couldn’t go in, and I’d have to drive home I don’t know exactly what it is about school and what about it made me so.. depressed! but… it was so bad! i would meet with my counsellor weekly, my school counsellor trying to find out a way that I could.. adjust my schedule trying to find a way that I could f- ya know trying to make my work load less impossible, and… it just was impossible. i could not cope with being at school it just got to the point where… it was simple! one morning I literally woke up and I was like ‘I will never go to that school again’ and I told my parents

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100 thoughts on “why i left school

  1. emma i might be late but we totally understand what you're going through. or at least my sis and I do.
    everyday my sister would say "mom i cant go to school, im sick." and my mom thought she was saying it to get out of school. later we found out that it was her physical and mental health that were just going INSANE. about 10 years later she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and on top of that she found out she cant have kids AND she's bipolar.
    more on my side, school makes me go CRAZY. all the drama and hiding from people has caused me to have anxiety and some other stuff i dont know how to spell.
    school is just a stressful place. they expect you to get through 7 hours of homework, and sometimes as soon as i get home i would just burst into tears. but now seeing that other people are going through the same things its caused me to be stronger in getting through the day without crying or being bullied.

    no one knows who this person is unless if you watch fairytail on netflix, a strong and independent woman had to say goodbye to her childhood friends, and kill her lover in order to save millions but she said,

    "Live each day as if it were your last and live your life to the fullest. dont sit around feeling sorry for yourself and have fun." – Titania Erza Scarlett, Queen of the Fairies, of the magical guild Fairytail.

  2. school is just not the place for some people. I hate when people say that its just kids being lazy and that they just don't want to do the work. no. some of us are depressed, some of us have crippling anxiety some of us are being bullied, some of us have massive issues at home. its not fair for people to call children lazy simply because work is involved with something we don't want to do. the school system is mentally draining and feels like I'm being sent off to jail everyday honestly and its sitting behind a desk doing things that I hate and feeling dumb because I can't do it, and school is just not good for me. its such an unhealthy environment for me because its draining and I hate it. lol soz rant over

  3. Literally everyone calls me a drop out but I didn’t drop out I got online school I’m still getting my diploma I can go on stage if I wanted too , it’s not dropping out if you’re still In school working for that diploma .

  4. I’m 17, I failed my 9th grade year, and because of that I changed schools and completed 9th. I went to 10th and recently found out I failed as my attendance was fucked. I’ve been depressed and haven’t gotten out of it for many years now. I failed every class except my music classes. I love music and always will, I loved going to school to play music with my band and talk about music stuff. Everything else made me want to kill myself. For anyone reading this, you should do whatever you want in life that makes you happy! Because true happiness, (at least to me) seems rare. Very few times in my life have I been happy. So when I am, when I’m rocking with my friends and shredding on my keyboard, well that’s a nice feeling. Thanks

  5. Agree completely! The education system of 8-3 works for very few. Most just grin and bear it, but that’s no way to live a life. Awesome to see someone find something that they have a passion for! I wish there was an answer to the broken system high school.

  6. I mean look at her now! 8.2 million subscribers including me! She cheers me up and I can’t believe that she had to go through this trauma just to find her dream! Hats of to you Emma! 🙌👏👏❤️❤️❤️

  7. Only my opinion, if you have a oportunity to do what you want, why should u do what people think that we must do ? I appreciate it, you are doing absolutely right

  8. And know she is thriving being one of the most successful teenager. Working with LV, W magazine, Vogue and the list is long. Having her own podcast. A merch line. Being a Soulcycle Queen. And being the happiest she has ever been. I'm proud❤

  9. finally someone i can relate to about how my sophomore year is my most stressful fucking year ever..it literally made me quit youtube for a long ass time and it’s such a waste

  10. My goodness kids these days…no wonder u're called as 'Generation Strawberry'. Like, ur a teen & it's your legit RESPONSIBILITY to attend school. Freakin'deal with it. Sheesh.

  11. Emma, I know you won't see this, because it's freaking 2 years old, but thank you so much for making this! It really shows you as a real person, and for people like me, who are trying to get to where you are eventually, it helps encourage me and show me that it's attainable, and at the end of the day, even famous, amazing youtubers are real people, with real problems.


  12. I'm so sorry with what you went through Emma and I just want to say that I really love your videos and you are a very nice person and I right now unfortunately am going through a sad time I mean I am feeling very upset most days with a lot of stuff and I watch a lot of youtubers to help lift me and cheer me up and I want to thank you for being a great person 😊

  13. I finished school this year and literally I am so glad. I won't miss it one bit. I love learning and all but school just made me miserable.

  14. 𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓷𝓽
    oʇ looɔ sᴉ ǝuo sᴉɥʇ
    𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚗
    𝔼𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕥𝕠𝕠
    Tɪɴʏ ᴄᴀᴘs ɪs ғᴜᴜɴɴɴ
    ᑕOᗰIᑕ ᔕTᗩᑎᘔ TO
    𝖲𝖺𝗇𝗌, 𝘀𝗮𝗻𝘀, 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘴, 𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙨,
    𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐟, 𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑓, 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒇

  15. hold up, i know this video is 2 years old but, for the people who were saying "do more school vlogs" just fucking become a teacher, lol, i'm dying inside, becoming a teacher means college which is school…

  16. literally the EXACT thing happened to me. Every day i would get up and cry so much to the point where i would have a panic attack, and when i could force myself to go in, i would stay in the bathroom for hours sobbing.my mom thought i was being dramatic, so she took me to a psychiatrist and a few weeks after that i got diagnosed wit mild depression and I mentally couldnt go to school, and to this day i have no clue why. Nothing was wrong with my school but i couldnt take it. So i had an extremely longggg conversation with my mom and she finally agreed with me after at least an hour of explaining to her how bad going to school hurt my mental health, but while my mom didnt understand why, nor did i. she let me do online school. Ive always wanted to do youtube, and i think im going to start posting soon, because getting out of school helped with my depression, im not fully out of that situation and i think youtube will help with that, now if youre reading this, i just wanna say thank you so much because you didnt ask for that story you still read it so again, thank you

  17. I know this video is two years old but I'm just now discovering it and I just have to say that I went through the exact same thing in high school. I wish I could've left but I had to stick it out and it was awful. You're lucky to have understanding parents that want to help you do what's best for you ❤️

  18. I live in Asia and here the system is better I guess. Its very strict tho and there is the problem of parents here taking education very seriously. Since they take it seriously, they mostly pay for our college tuition and I guess it what way this system is better. But it's still really stressful.

  19. For anyone struggling in high school, look into charter schools as well 🙂 the one I went to let us not go to school 2 days a week, and we would go to any internship that we chose. Some people interned at vets, some at schools, some for the state. THIS SCHOOL WAS FREE PEOPLE!!! Do your research. There's other ways to finish high school that may work for you better then a huge, terrifying school with a few thousand people who go to it.

  20. I don’t know if it’s just me, but whenever a new school year starts I get sad and depressed and it’s annoying because I was just doing fine during the summer and it happens every year school year.

  21. I need advice about how i convince my parents to allow me to do homeschooling because my parents say that if i go onlineschool i will not socializing with others
    So how i convince my parents to let me do onlineschooling?? I'm mentally depressed in school

  22. I'm the exact same to a T, and I'm also the same year level as you. I'm in year 12 and have wanted to leave since year 10, but it was drilled into me so hard that is i didn't complete year 12 i would be nothing. And i think the worst thing of all is of when you're in year 12 and everyone i talk to about how i feel about school say 'there's not much longer of school left', how frustrating :/

  23. I'm going through this same situation but when i talked to my parents about it they literally laughed at my face they were like "you are so funny….what could a 15 year old possibly be worried about?"
    Whenever i talk about a problem they look at it as a joke.
    What do i do?
    I'm locked up in a jail school seems like a much better jail
    I hate myself

  24. I relate to this video so so so much, the school environment the teachers and the “friends” just everything combined makes me so anxious and sometimes even depressed I really really want to do online school but I know my parents will never agree to that

  25. This is spiritual but we are all effected by people energy and just energy itself. So it's like a home if you don't clean it it won't get clean so if energy is still left it will effect. Bullying, people's negativity, not getting along with people. Just the energy around the school can make you feel bad. I don't know how to explain but yeah. I feel if there was understanding people and patience and a "clean" space people could be more mentally healthy. we blame it on our self but our environment really affects us. I will we could all be in a clean space and full of fun and love. Be surrounded by what we live and just a clean space that won't drain our energy. When a space is filled with negativity, lots of people, and lots of stuff it drains you….. I feel that why alot if people feel bad even when they have been through anything that should make them feel that way. I think this makes since…

  26. why do i feel so closely connected to you emma i’m legit you and i just found your channel… i soooo wish i saw you sooner i heard of you but never watched your vids and wowza we are legit the same person

  27. "Too much on your plate?" Really? You're GD 17-years old or so. Get your ass back in school. You have no idea what 'too much on your plate' means at 17-years old. Just wait until you're 30-years old. And you'll then regret not enjoying EVERY GD second of your life @ 17-years old and getting an education so you can have a good life.

  28. i appreciated this video so much, I ditched school at least twice a week because I used to cry every day and just feel like genuinely gross and uncomfortable, I finished school but I love your message and feel this is super helpful for people!!

  29. I can relate so much. i use to go to school from 6 am to 5 pm. and that got me to a really bad depression and mental breakdowns every day at school and home, i didn't go to a school therapist i didn't like here so i fucked up my mental health really badly, but i still graduated not with the best results but i still did.

  30. this is literally the most relatable video in the entire world. i just left school this past year and i’m moving schools / trying online. i never heard of anyone else who was “this bad” so thank you. i sat in class and cried, i was losing my mind, only going to school like a couple times a week, sometimes i would miss the entire week, and if i went for more than two days in a row, i would have to skip classes (which i HATED doing and i felt so fucking bad).
    P.S. it was end sophomore year for me too :):

  31. When emma said "you can go out do what your heart wants" i agreed but parents don't understand what kids want parents just want kids to go to hell and do homework but school will not benefit you in life thats what i feel

  32. Like i love to drive a Ferrari though this didn't make me leave either School or University. Point being your a lazy bitch that wants to live life on easy mode and i get it you have like 8 million subscribers its the right thing to focus on YouTube but you should consider what happens when your not that young in few years and people like to listen to crap from young pretty people though listening to crap from a 40 year old ain't the same.

  33. I go to school from 8 am to 4/5 am and I have to do 4 hours of homework when I was still on the sophomore year imagine when I go to school this year…
    I am still 12!! I can’t deal with that!
    I did two exams and was passed directly to 6th grade without doing the 5th grade and I honestly am starting to regret it so much
    You probably don’t care but I just wanted to say that.

  34. Emma: depression is a real thing. Have you ever explored the root causes of yours? Learn about trauma and what can be done for it on the Life After PTSD podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/life-after-ptsd/id1448130626

  35. It's hard to understand her situation completely because we all have a different mentality and social situations. So just focus on the fact that whatever happened to her was hell for her. I've gone through shit like this, for me it was being a social outcast and envy and whenever I share I realise other people don't completely empathise with me.

  36. Yo, I don't know how I landed up here.I was just sitting on my balcony and crying thinking about this pressure . This helped a lot. Thank you Emma.

  37. I felt bad because of all the things you have gone through school sometimes makes me very stressed and my main teacher is amazing and I helping me

  38. Artist's brains don't like school ! 👍

    School's don't like artist's brains ! 👍

    You deffo have an artist brain !

    A lot of Artists brains struggle through life generally, some like you find they're art !

  39. I don't know why I came across this video, but I can tell you this…. if you've ever had any contact with the "occult…like readings.." that opens the door for demons to oppress you. I encourage you to look for Jesus Christ and He will lift that off you. Youtube, friends, family, things…can never filled that void. Only Jesus can. Hope things get better.

  40. I see there are a lot of people watching this/commenting lately because school is about to start very soon.
    Don't use this video as encouragement to stop going to high school, your underdeveloped brain may see this success story as a way to escape school yourself, but she has a very unique situation where she can rake in the young money cash money without having to finish hs, you don't have that advantage. If you drop out of school or even switch to online school you'll regret it in the future and it'll fuck your life up in the long term.

    High school has actually gotten a lot easier than it was in the past, I see these kids saying "I only go to school 2-3 times a week", bitch what? I graduated 5 years ago and if we missed more than 20 days for the whole year we had to repeat the grade. Your AP classes have also gotten less rigorous since then, the AP exams are easier, the SATs are less challenging, you have access to websites that practically do your homework for you and things like sparknotes, what more do you want?

    And for the guys, these hoes have started wearing leggings to school. Eye candy, bitches. Take advantage of the opportunity to be surrounded by tight teen ass 5 days a week and never miss another day unless you are actually sick with a real illness and not "anxiety" that literally every person experiences.

    Suck it up and graduate.

  41. I don’t mind school because it distracts me from my sadness and I get to see my friends and school just really helps me with everything and honestly sometimes In school u can have a bad day but that’s ok most people hate school but I don’t

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