A 12th pass son without admission is a burden on his father. There’s not a single boy of his age in the neighbourhood who’s sitting around they’ve all got their admissions done. Don’t worry, Panditji will surely
show us a good college today. I don’t care about good or bad anymore,
I just want him to start college now. It’s been 30 hours since
the results came out! People have already started gossiping. Here you go. Wow! What’s going on? It’s been 30 hours and 2 minutes since
the 12th grade results have been out. I’m scared that my son will get into
some useless course. Can you show us some good college? Don’t worry. I’ve got a list of traditional,
morally good, cultured, government and
non-government colleges. You just decide which degree you want,
B.Sc, B.Tech or B.E. We definitely want only B.E. or B.Tech. And from a college that belongs to the AICTE society. B.Sc. is…disgusting. But sir, what’s the difference between
B.E and B.Tech? Same as the difference between poop and feces. Forget about all of that, Chandra Bindu Aunty. Look at this! Ramaiya Institute
of Technology. Manipal, Symbiosis, MIT, SIT, KIT, Anna Malai, Rasmalai… There’s no dearth of good colleges
in India. -Please don’t mind…
-No, I won’t mind. I wouldn’t give a f*** even if you did mind. See, your son
hasn’t cleared any entrance exam and even his score is pathetic! 94.6%! May God forgive him. For an arranged admission like this
you will need to spend 13-25 lakhs. Or it won’t make sense for the college. Oh no, sir. I am a small man.
I don’t have that much saved up. Father, please allow me
to offer my life savings. Our Mohnish Behl is like an incarnation
of God! Mohnish, son, 2500 bucks is a Paytm
recharge not life savings. These are all really big colleges.
Spread across 300 acres! They won’t agree for less than 10 lakhs. Why don’t you look at this? Shyam Rao Harihar Das Institute
of Technology, Gadhchilori. So, how much will they take, sir? S.H.I.T.’s campus is just 13 acres. I can fix the deal at 5-10 lakhs. -5 or 10?
-5 for IT and 10 for Computers. What’s the difference between
IT and Computer Science, sir? Same as the difference between biscuits and cookies. -Amazeballs!
-Don’t worry about this college! It has its own hostel, corridor, water
cooler, notice board and cycle stand. And when you open the window,
you can see outside! Amazeballs! Yes Satish Shah Uncle… Your Nishant will live like a king! Not just king, he’ll live like
The Lion King! Don’t you agree, Chandru? What are we waiting for then, sir? Let’s pay the donation
and get the admission. Absolutely! But, where is our dearest Nishant? Nishant!
Nishant! Before your dad sends you to another
college, just tell him. Tell him about your love
for St. Stephen’s! Yeah. I think I will tell dad, if I don’t get
St. Stephen’s I’ll spend my whole life as a 12th pass bachelor. Father will chinga tu madre!
(He’ll f*** your shit up!) -Brother? I could’ve talked to him
if it was commerce. But Arts… Father has finalised your admission. Here’s a picture of your college. -Show me.
-Let me also have a look at it. Wow! What a beautiful sculpture! It’s a water tank, dipshit! We have seen your entire college,
Somedean Ji. It’s wonderful. But the badminton
and volleyball court are the same. As I was saying… Your S.H.I.T. has all the qualities needed in a college. What your S.H.I.T, my S.H.I.T.? It’s our S.H.I.T. now. But, where is our dearest Nishant? Oh see, Nishant is also here. Come on, son… He’s got it attested with his own two hands. You spend a few minutes alone
with Nishant. We’ll wait at the canteen. -Okay, then. Good bye.
Let’s go Tuffy Ji. So, Nishant. What would you like to know
about our college? Okay, tell me something, son
Can you manage all the work in college? Like bunking, copying assignments,
signing proxy attendence, sitting for exams, scoring
and rolling joints. No…But… I know how to pour a drink. Don’t worry, you’ll learn it all
as soon as you get your first ‘F’. Don’t you want to ask
anything, son? What will the first night in
the hostel be like? It’s a little painful
in the beginning. But soon you’ll get used to all the beatings you get. Oh God! Why is it taking so long? I hope these college people
like our Nishant. Father, I’m also quite worried. -If you allow me, I’d like to go for a smoke.
-Yes, of course, son. Stay healthy. Mr.Bindra! We… …like Nishant! This calls for a celebration.
Give everyone cream rolls. Amazeballs! Son, a son’s true home is the
common room in his college. But no matter what happens, Never eat Maggi and
leave your plate there. It gets really weird
when it dries up right? Son, your professors are your parents now. Don’t give them a chance to complain. Whatever assignment they give,
quietly copy it from someone. Don’t use your brains. Take care of yourself son. And by 6 in the morning, go to sleep. Control yourself, sister.
Calm down. It’s the government’s decree, that every parent has to send their son off
to college one day. I am reminded of a poem
at such a serious moment. If you give birth to a son,
he will have to go to college someday. These little hands that played PubG
will have to use a drafter someday! Will have to use a drafter someday… Tuffy Ji, what’s this?
You’ve started writing? -Father, allow me to read this letter.
-Go ahead, son. Dear candidate, Subject- 4th cut-off list
of B.A. History (Honors). The intake percentage of our college
in B.A. History (Honors) programme, has dropped very very low. Like really low to 95% n’ all. So we guess you’ve not been selected
n’ all. Best Wishes and
exasperating farrago of distortions. St. Stephens Admin n’ all. P. S. Remember, it’s not a canteen,
it’s a cafeteria. No, this can’t be happening! My St. Stephens can’t betray me
the fourth time. And you? You can betray us? Innit? Now I realize why you had so many posters
of St. Stephens in your room! Since when has
this been going on? Since I went to give JEE. But the JEE centre was in Rohini. Father, the truth is that
I never gave my JEE exam. What?! I got off at the Anand Vihar Station,
took an Outer Mudrika bus, and got off before Rohini…
at the North Campus. -I had a plate of momos, drank soda…
-Enough! Enough! I understand! -No need to say more. Mr. Bindra, I think you all failed
to instill good values in him. -You should’ve taken a cab from Anand Vihar. You did one course,
and now want to do another course! You know our society does not allow intercourse! -Father, think about it…
-I would’ve if it was commerce. But Arts? Son… Son, please tell me this is a lie! Tell me, son! I’ll give you a 100 bucks. If you go to study history, then from this day on
I’ll assume that I have just one son… …who’s straight! Father, please!
Mind your language! Nishant! Is that how you talk to your father? It would’ve been fine if
it was someone else’s father. Apologise to him! I won’t apologise. Father, can I say something? I’ll apologise. Why can’t anyone in this house understand
that St. Stephens is my only love! I’ll always keep living
in it’s memory… I won’t ever be happy
in any other college! You don’t get an Admission
for your happiness! You do it to settle down. -What’s the use of settling like this father?
-What’s the use? I’ll tell you! You’ll get a job at Infy or TCS
in 4 years. There’s no guarantee, father. Even my brother Mohnish Behl went to IIT,
right? What is he doing now? He’s running a coaching centre
for IIT prep. It is something… What future does history have? They say Romila Thapar is India’s
best historian. What does she do? She teaches in a college.
Is that a good future? Father, look at how much money
you’ll save. You’re paying 5 lakhs
just for donations here. You can open a brand new
Arts college in 5 lakhs! Son, it requires a little more than that. I only want my St. Stephens! My St. Stephens… Father, the time for the climax
is running out. If I have your permission, I’d like to explode. Explode. You dumbshits! All of you are blind!
Blind! Father, why are you so adamant
about engineering? It used to have scope in the 90s! Now just like a smart phone, from Ratlam to
Vietnam, every home has 4 engineers! Go and see for yourself! Didn’t I go to IIT? All I did for 4 years was watch shows,
movies, played games, smoked weed, watched porn and… …messed up my arm. Father, you’re so against humanities
that you’ve gone against humanity. -Exactly!
-You shut up! You’ve just been whining away! “I want to go to St. Stephens…
St. Stephens is my love…” Man! Do you love history
or do you love St. Stephens? You can study History
from anywhere, man. You can study at Venky’s, St. Stephens,
Daulat Ram or even Rajdhani! The books will be the same,
won’t they, my dear brother? I know they’ll teach you
big words at St.Stephens, but you can learn that from a Thesaurus. What really matters is your passion
for the subject, understand? And if we look at this in the long run,
your career has nothing to do with it. It doesn’t matter where or what
you study! Raghuram Rajan did Electrical Engineering
and became an economist. Satya Nadella never went to IIT
but he’s the CEO of Microsoft. Manohar Parrikar studied metallurgy
and became a Chief Minister. And Smriti Irani didn’t study a thing
but she still became the HRD minister. Which is why I’m telling you dear brother,
do anything and study at any college, if you work hard,
you will make it big for sure! You’re a human being, not Rahul Gandhi! Well, what should I do now? My dear little brother, to be on the safe side, study engineering.