Self-Hatred & Anxiety
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Self-Hatred & Anxiety


The temptation, with dealing with anxiety,
is always and invariably to focus on the ostensible cause of our worry: the journey to the airport,
the forthcoming speech, the letter one is waiting for, the presentation one has to hand
in… But if we proceed more psychologically, we might begin in a different place. With
great kindness and no disrespect, we may step past the objective content of anxiety and
look instead at something else: how the anxious person feels about themselves. An unexpected
cause of high anxiety is self-hatred. People who have grown up not to like themselves very
much at all have an above average risk of suffering from extremes of anxiety, because if
one doesn’t think one is worthy, it must follow that the
world is permanently and imminently at high risk of punishing one in the way one suspects
one deserves. It seems to fit that people may be laughing behind one’s back, that
one may soon be sacked or disgraced, that one is an appropriate target for bullying
and rejection and that persecution and worse may be heading towards us. If things seem
to be going well, this must just be the deceptively quiet period before others are about to realise
their error and mete out some horrific punishment. For the self-hating, anxiety is a pre-emptive
anticipation of the pain one unconsciously feels one is owed; very bad things must and
should happen to very bad people. Part of the problem and one of the curious aspects
of the way our minds work is that it isn’t always clear that one is even suffering from
low self-esteem; hating oneself has just become second nature rather than an issue one has
the will to rebel against or so much as notice. To tease out the sorrow and start to feel
it again (as a prelude to treating it), one might need to fire a few questions at oneself. We’ve prepared a Self-Esteem Questionnaire 1. Broadly speaking, I like myself as I am. Agree strongly Agree
Neither agree nor disagree Disagree Disagree strongly 2. People should be relatively grateful
to have me in their lives. Agree strongly Agree Neither agree nor disagree Disagree
Disagree strongly 3. If I didn’t know me, I’d think I was OK. Agree strongly Agree
Neither agree nor disagree Disagree Disagree strongly 4. Growing up, I was given the feeling
that I properly deserved to exist. Agree strongly Agree Neither agree nor disagree Disagree
Disagree strongly If one finds oneself at the disagreeing end of many such questions, it
may be that one is an agitated person not because one has more to worry about but because
one likes oneself rather less than normal – and certainly less than one fairly should.
The cure isn’t, therefore, to try to dispel anxieties with logic, it is to try to dispel
it with love; it is to remind the anxious person (who may be ourselves) that we are
not inherently wretched, that we have a right to exist, that past neglect wasn’t deserved,
that we should feel tenderly towards oneself – and that we need, both metaphorically
and probably practically too, a very long hug. The logic of this analysis is truly counter-intuitive.
It suggests that when panic next descends, one should not spend too long on the surface
causes of the worry and instead, try to address the self-hatred fuelling the agitation. Anxiety
is not always anxiety: sometimes it is just a very well-disguised, entrenched and unfair
habit of disliking who we are. Out Emotional First Aid Kit provides a set of useful salves to some of life’s most challenging psychological situations. Including friendship, love, sex, work and self. Click the link on screen now to find out more.

About James Carlton

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100 thoughts on “Self-Hatred & Anxiety

  1. Do you suffer from anxiety? What helps you cope? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.

  2. The conclusion you give through this videos you post how come you come through this conclusion..is there any research or study… because the video you post deals with very delicate thing about inner struggle

  3. School of Life, I have watched you for a long time but never commented. I would just like to say thank you for this and also pose a question to my fellow viewers and you (SoL) if you are to see this.

    I hate myself. When I look in the mirror I can’t help but hate practically everything about myself, my face especially. I am told I am good looking, attractive, my own girlfriend who does not know the extent of my self-hated tells me I am hot, sexy, etc. but I can’t help but hate myself.

    How do you deal with these issues? I have love in my life, certainly did not have it growing up. But I still feel worthless, how do you deal with your self-hatred?

    Thank you and Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone.

  4. Clearly you don't know shit of what you're talking about …. maybe you should actually try talking to many people with anxiety. IF there is self hatred, it comes from suffering from anxiety, not the other way around. One tends to hate one self for being so messed up, for endlessly being anxious when one know deep down there is nothing to feel anxious about, but am unable to do anything about it. Imagine feeling fear 24/7 … one tends to hate one self for being that way and Yes many in society would pick on someone like this either not knowing or not caring of the persons suffering. People are shits. What I hate more than myself is all the assholes out in the world.

  5. I hate myself and I wished my left would kill me in my sleep. I'm tired of this competition called life. Compete for jobs, for woman, for money. I'm tired of fighting and really would be better if I just died.

  6. I love this channel cause it makes me feel legit… you know like not unworthy… like idk I'm a very secretive person and l have a lot in my mind that I want to share but just cant cause I dont even know what it is, but watching these lovely illustrations and hearing the narrator's legendary soothing voice, idk something deep down…um…kinda clicks

  7. School or life anxiety aid:
    1. Launch a video "why you should break up with someone who won't change"
    2. Launch a video "how to deal with self hatred and anxiety when your loved one breaks up with you because you won't change"

  8. Knowing that I cause my anxiety with self hate only makes me dislike myself more. This hit too close to home. lol not feeling confident makes me avoid social situations all together bc I will be uncomfortable the entire time. Merry Christmas! 🤗

  9. A practical approach would be to allow for exogenous causes in the interest of not being ascribed the modern version of immorality, and therefore condemned to a circularity of reflexivity. An examination and elimination of a list of probable causes.

    The single greatest contemporary public health issue that goes hitherto unrecognized is probably the excess quantity of calcium carbonate in municipal water systems. Filter. Your. Di-hydrogen. Monoxide.

    Secondly, ppl have dispensed with salt as the required food additive. You need Oxygen. You need water. Surprise. You need salt. A little bit of salt in your protein intake in the morning could probably work wonders. Instead, we’ve managed to replace that with gobs of supplementation and wrong-headed pharmaceuticals enough to kill a horse.

    AND an emotional bender to drive a philosopher to drink.

  10. I've been bullied all my life. And I mean ALL MY LIFE, people called me names that really hurt me, even nerds and kids in honors classes pick on me I am a loser, I need help, I feel helpless, I just want to be happy man, but I'm not

  11. Oh my god. I was shouting at everyone in my home out of anxiety and You tube recommending me this video. people are selfish . But man is social animal. What should i be tough or soft ? What should be my priority self or family and society.

  12. soooo… how can I start feeling better about myself? any recommendations on how to practise self compassion would be appreciated^^

  13. I have an issue of being in denial.. or maybe it’s just my rational side telling me I’m being irrational? I don’t know.. I don’t talk to people about my self-hatred. I don’t want people to worry about me, especially my friend who’s on the other side of the globe. He’s supposed to be the one I try to confide to, but I’m scared that he might see me as a pathetic burden. So when we facetime I always put on a happy front.
    Anyway, I have always have this image of me pointing a gun to my own head every time I accidentally do something embarrassing even when I know well that nobody cares or will even notice. Sometimes I also get these sudden racing heart that to me happens for no reason. I hate to admit that these things have become normal to me.
    I’m turning 20 next january and I really want to get out of this state of mind!

    If you’ve reached this part, thank you for your attention ❤️

  14. I hate myself so fucking much that sometimes when it's quiet and all I can hear is my own breathing it's so hard to do and so pointless that I wish I could just stop

  15. I used to have anxiety then I realized I’m going to die one day and everything I do won’t matter. So [email protected]*k IT. Everyday you could lose your job, be homeless, lose everything you own, and get killed. Your not living, your just delaying inevitable cause you think you have to live your current life. The best way to start life is to having nothing in your life, you’ll be at peace when you cut people out, be it family or association.

  16. I really hate myself but I don't think I'm anxious. Personally I don't see the correlation. I have the mindset to not really caring about people's opinions and do my thing the best I can.

  17. The last question (Growing up, I was given the feeling that I properly deserve to exist) was the only one I answered "Disagree strongly". And that's the main reason I have no contact at all with my family. Maybe I'll contact them when this sense of "I should not be here" go away, witch will probably be never 'cause they made and excelent job convincing me of that. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

  18. Does anyone have the same feelings?
    I really worry about the future (I know it is unnecessary), about my well being, about not living my life fully, … this year I really learned that I am a person that anxiously worries, and I choose whatever I have at hand, as it seems. And now I worry that maybe one day I will become depressed, maybe one day I don’t want to live because my life sucks, because I haven’t lived it fully… am I the only one feeling this way? Or what can I do? I also seem to become sick often because I subconsciously worry about it, about not being okay

  19. After more than 10 years of self pity, i finally decided to accept the things that i dont have control of. I went with the flow with my ego intact with a bit of self esteem. I can live with this.

  20. This has worked. I've tried to "love myself" by telling myself that I'm not perfect and that I'm learning. Also that God loves me no matter what. I try to think "how would God treat me if I was having low-self-esteem?" Hed probably be encouraging and tell me what good qualities I have but still expect a lot out of me.

  21. I even hate looking at the Mirror. I avoid mirrors because it makes me feel even worse. I wish social media didn't exist. I hate myself.

  22. Sometimes it feels as if it's necessary to worry, without which, I'd be oblivious to the mistakes I might commit or problems I'd encounter or be cautious so that I don't get humiliated in front of people. It's got to do with maintaining a fake image or else people would discover how dumb, awkward, confident less, anxious I am. I'm working on it and trying more self love. I'm discovering that I need not lose my shit over trivial stuff. I'm hopeful, and thanks to SoL as well.

  23. I actually Never comment on Videos But seeing in the comment section How Many People struggle with Self hatred and suicidal thoughts: you will get through this! For sure! There are people out there who care deeply for you even if you may Not be Able to believe it right now. Help is out there, and you dont have to be alone with this. To everyone who struggles: i Hope you are feeling better soon. Never lose Hope, everything can change so fast and one day you will look back and be happy that you gave yourself the chance you deserve

  24. I've suffered from anxiety for a long time now and while I have learned to cope better with it, my main problem really is my low self-esteem. I wouldn't say I hate myself but when faced with other people, responsibilities and expectations, I constantly think I'm not able/skilled enough to do it and that other people will be disappointed and angry. It get's real old real fast, but I can't seem to shake this ingrained belief (yet)

  25. What helps me cope with anxiety is trying to come to terms with the fact that anxiety is a natural part of life. When you do that you feel the pressure to do sth or to be in a certain way losing its grip on you. simply accepting it is paradoxically a bit of a relief. Merry Christmas to you all Xx

  26. I think about this a lot. About what worries me so much that i would rather fail a subject than have to talk to my professor and ask for another chance. I'd always tell my friend that people scare me, that i might mess things up and anger them. But that's just to hide the fact that i don't really like myself at all. I think people wouldn't even bother to stop what they're doing and listen to what I'm about to say. I think to myself that no one deserves me and i don't deserve anyone because i am useless. And with all the hatred i am feeling for myself, i couldn't bring myself to accept any of that. It hurts me a lot that even I, the only person who's there for me, hate myself. I'm dying for a good change. I watched my friends grow and become even more of what they are. Although i have amazing friends, i couldn't ask them to help me acknowledge myself as a person for i believe i'll only be a burden to them and i cant let that happen. And also i think i don't deserve any help since i was no help for anyone. Been dealing with these issues i have for myself since forever and i am hoping that in 2020, im able to accept and love some part of myself. I'd be very thankful if i get to take a little step forward. Sorry for a very long comment, i felt like sharing my experience since it's holidays. Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

  27. Just so you know, I truly love you.
    To anyone reading this message, I left a message on my profile if youre interested. Merry christmas and I love you

  28. "4. Growing up, I was given the feeling that I properly deserved to exist." In many high-control cultic religions the only response allowed for this statement is "Disagree strongly". It's one of many ways members are kept locked in, unable to leave. I was at high risk of suicide when I was forced to leave the cult I grew up in, and I still have anxiety disorder. I credit my cats for keeping me alive and sane.

  29. I just can’t see myself worthy of love because of my past mistakes, I can’t move on, I feel like changing would seem cheeky and a wasted effort and others would see me as fake

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