Megan Fox Sends Her Kids to Vegan School (feat. Brad Williams) – Lights Out with David Spade
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Megan Fox Sends Her Kids to Vegan School (feat. Brad Williams) – Lights Out with David Spade

In curious news, um, Megan Fox sends her kids
to a vegan school where they plant and harvest
their own food. So my gut reaction is
to make fun of this, of course, but I’m not sure. I’m sort of on the fence now. Brad, you have a baby
on the way. Are you gonna raise it
on this, on her farm? I don’t know.
Like, I-I read the story, and she teaches her kids
that plants have feelings and emotions and they hurt. And, you know,
women love bad boys, so, Megan, check this out. SPADE:
No! Whoa. (laughter) (mouthing) (applause and cheering) And call me? I could hear that scream. They also say that the kids have to plant the food
in the schoolyard -and then go out and sell it
-And sell it. -to restaurants later that day.
-Right. So that’s– Some poor kid
is walking up and down Ventura Boulevard
with a tomato at midnight. Trying to hawk it to Chipotle,
you know. Yes. And these are, these
are millionaire children -Yeah. -that now have to live
like they’re Amish. -SPADE: That’s exactly true.
-So, like, this is like… -This is extra. -Yeah.
He’s like, “Mom, uh, weren’t you in Transformers ? Do I sleep
on a wicker bed now? She teaches her kids
that plants have feelings, and then she makes them
grow the plants and sell the plants off
to strangers. She’s the Jeffrey Epstein
of vegetables. SPADE:
Oh, my God. -He didn’t commit suicide,
by the way. -No, he did not. Every week, her poor neighbor’s
landscaper shows up she’s screaming from the porch,
“Murderers.” I’d rather a Ugandan guy fart
in my face than go to a vegan
elementary school. (applause) She’s at home one night going, “Honey, the word around
the neighborhood “is we’re not
pretentious enough. Is there anything
we could do to fix that?” And the kid’s like, “Mom,
maybe one more Transformers. I mean, it wouldn’t kill you.” All right, uh, a body builder
in Kazakhstan– Is that where Borat lives? -Yeah, no, I’m pretty– Is it?
-Yeah. -Yeah. -It is? -It’s over,
that’s past La Mirada. (laughter) -You don’t go that far.
-No, I hear it on traffic, but I don’t know where it is. Uh, admitted to getting his
fiancée plastic surgery. Here’s the twist: Uh, his girlfriend
is a silicone sex doll. Silicone sex doll named Margo,
and here’s them. She’s actually really pretty. Um, when your girlfriend
is plastic, isn’t it just surgery? It’s just all weird
across the board. Yeah, like,
if you wanted to have sex with an emotionless piece
of plastic, I’m sure you could
introduce them to plenty of
the Vanderpump Rules cast. SPADE:
Yeah, that’s right. -Not you, Stassi.
-Not you. Oh, no, I have– No, yeah. I have a fake chin,
so, yes, me. -SPADE: No, not you.
-Where’s the camera? Listen, at least she can write
funny captions. SCHROEDER: I’m not mad–
I’m not mad at this because I’ve been wondering what
to get my fiancé for Christmas, and now I know, a doll
that is exactly me. -That’s exact… Yeah.
-So… -There’s that. I mean…
-That is similar. Listen, if we’re in a fight,
if we’re arguing, go into the other room with me.
With nice me. -Yeah.
-SPADE: Take it out on her. I love that we have to ban
glitter and straws, but yet some sea turtle’s gonna
choke on this woman’s tits. -(laughter and applause)
-SPADE: Her tits. Nobody…
Nobody seems to give a damn. He’s married to a sex doll.
You know that… But you know
the marriage goes south the minute he has to clean it. -FRANJOLA: Yeah.
-SPADE: Oh, yeah. (groaning) You stuff that gal
into a dishwasher, -she’s ready to go
in 45 minutes. -Yeah! Just get out there
with some 409. (imitates spraying, squeaking) “Ready, babe? Big party night.” (imitates spraying, squeaking) “Nobu.”
(imitates squeaking) -Just keep making those noises.
-Nobody does the squeak noise -quite like Spade.
-SPADE: Oh, yes, good. -That’s a good one.
-It’s the greatest thing ever. -My favorite.
-Yeah. Anyway, all right. Well, uh,
any final thoughts on this? Wait, wait. So,
what is the Amazon, like, uh… What is the Amazon URL
to get this again? -Oh, do you want to get it?
-New Christmas present. -Oh, this is a real stocking
stuffer. -In my likeness. Yeah. This is the Stassi doll. -That actually would do pretty
well. -Oh, that would do… -That would do really well.
-Yeah. -Thank you. Yeah, that would be really… -Too well.
-But you don’t… Wait, you don’t have one
of those, do you? Wait, you’re kidding, right?
You don’t have one. We’ll check your website later.

About James Carlton

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56 thoughts on “Megan Fox Sends Her Kids to Vegan School (feat. Brad Williams) – Lights Out with David Spade

  1. Can we just admit that Williams is fucking hilarious?! I get that he plays the 'little person' card a lot, but be honest, wouldn't you?

  2. Its like they want their kids to get tomatoes stuffed up their ass by mean boys and girls, simply to give them issues and turn them gay. I guess it makes them a better parent in LA when kid isnt a just a colonizing white patriarchal offspring with no discernable culture other than what mommy buys you.

    Also he can run his wife through a car wash…insert spade effects….clean as a whistle.

  3. Stacy is an idiot, she ruined this whole show…. He comments about envying fish and getting glitter all over. Pure LA trash

  4. removing meat is supposed to lower your aggression and make you a calmer person, have you ever known a VEGAN that isn't Angry?? VEGANS HATE their food choices, they want you to hate Your Food Choices. VEGANS are just Hangry for Meat.

  5. a big rubber doll, what? a philodendron is too much life for you? what's that rubber doll going to do that your alternate hand and an extra bed pillow won't?

  6. Stassi oh my fucking God wake the fuck up Whitney Cummings made a fucking hundred thousand dollar doll for her fucking fiancé like I year ago you are so fucking irrelevant Jesus fucking Christ how desperate spade how desperate are you to have fucking Stassi Schroeder on get the fuck out of here I hate this fucking bitch she’s so stupid

  7. Celebrities giving advice, is like mobsters giving advice on being a good citizen.
    1) Who cares what celebrities think. Choose a better role model. Like a teacher, that teaches algebra and really cares about their students to succeed.
    2) Celebrities are not heroes. A neighbor that helps other neighbors in their community would be considered more of a hero.
    3) I’m sorry for being in a tangent behavior. I’m going to take my meds and go to bed.
    4) Seriously folks, who the Front door cares what Megan and Stazzi (however you spell her name) thinks! These beeswax ( yes, I was gonna call them a word that rhymed with witches, but I didn’t) are crazy!

  8. Wait a minute.. Don't vegans only eat vegetables? If psycho chick is teaching the kids that plants have feelings, What does eating them teach the kids?

  9. I think it's very selfish and irresponsible for dwarves and midgets to have children. If we want to have a strong and healthy population, we must weed out the undesirables. I'm running for the next Führer and I expect your support.

  10. Amish…? Y’all are fucked up. It’s called being free spirited and a caring human being. God forbid someone raises their kids to love the environment. Did you forget that neglecting it is what got us into a climate crises in the first place? Smh.

  11. So she teaches the kids the plants have feelings then rips the fruits and vegetables off freaking sadistic. Poor plants 😢😢

  12. What a cruel joke god pulled off. How you going to make a midget and then give them bigger heads than normal. He would make a good battering ram.

  13. Yes, meat production is destroying the planet and vegan is the only future. These snarky a-holes in L.A. just shuck and jive for whatever gets a few laughs and money from massah Spade.

  14. if you get your fiance a doll like you, its better than you because it doesnt have your caustic voice and stupid diaglogue.

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