[school bell rings] Oh, man, I heard we have
a substitute teacher today. Yeah, but it’s probably gonna be lame. Greetings and salutations. [students] Katt Williams? Okay, settle down, children. I said, settle down, children. I am Katt Williams. I’ll be your
substitute English teacher today, okay? Wow. [student] Whoa, he permed out. But Katt, why are you our sub? Your bitch ass English teacher,
Mr. Henson, fell down three flights of stairs
and fractured his coccyx. And I’ve got 109 hours
of community service for robbing a Williams-Sonoma
at nun-point. Dope! Wait, don’t you mean gunpoint? I sure don’t. Now, today’s lesson is on Shakespeare’s
tragiclicious Romeo and Juliet. Take out ya textbooks. [students murmur] They’ve been pimpified, okay. Now, in the beginning, a bunch
of white people fightin’ ’cause somebody done bit they thumb. Now, I don’t know what the problem is, I really don’t. Maybe he had a nail-biting issue, boo-boo. But these white people
lost they damn minds. Never in the history of niggadom
has a nigga been more cold-blooded. He just standing there, just… “Is this nigga bitin’ his thumb
right now? Time to die, nigga, time to die! That’s for Nee-Nee and them, take that nigga, bite your thumb again.” Damn, that is cold-blooded. I’m telling you little niggas, Shakespeare’s more savage
than when I once saw Suge Knight body slam a cashier at a Del Taco for saying the word “sconce.” -Sconce.
-Sconce. Now, Romeo’s bitch ass,
he’s all lovey and dovey over some bitch named Rosalind. He just… Oh! Oh! He probably still smell her juices
on his fingers and shit. [students groan] And his friends, they just clownin’ him,
they’re just standing there, “Hath she let ya hit it yet, Romeo?
Has she let you hit it?” And he’s over here just,
“Not yet cousin, not yet… [sniffs] …but I doth have hope, cousin.” So, Romeo is a pimp? He sure is a pimp.
Fast Times at Nigmont High. One page later, he meets Juliet, and I guess Rosalind’s just
“The Bitch That Time Forgot.” She just standin’ there, just… “What about… what about me?” Yeah, that’s how they do. Does he have to say “bitch” so much? Romeo’s bitch ass put the pussy on a pedestal, and then he got married. That’s why the nigga is dead today.
The end. Katt, that was hella dope, but the test just isn’t
on Romeo and Juliet, it’s also on Taming of the Shrew. That’s about niggas keepin’
they bitch in check. Okay. What about Twelfth Night? The people of Verona can’t tell
niggas apart because white people
be trippin’ like that. -What about Othello?
-All the white people hate the one black person in the room. #GreenBookWasn’tGood. -Do Macbeth.
-When a bitch got a weak ass nigga,
she will get that nigga killed. -Hamlet.
-A white man loses his mind, and then just goes on a killing spree,
traveling through Europe. That’s white privilege. -[students] Oh, Katt.
-[bell rings] I’m sorry, that’s the bell and that means
that’s my time. Uh… I have been Katt Williams, everybody. Y’all can have a good nigh– Oh. I got seven more classes to do today? Uh-uh. Take me to jail.
Take me to jail. Good night. [students cheering] Katt! Katt! -♪ Here we come now ♪
-♪ Now it’s our time ♪