It’s Hard Being Married to the Sea
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It’s Hard Being Married to the Sea

– (sighs) Hey, Grant. – Hey, Jess, what’s wrong? You seem upset. – Oh, my boyfriend and me
got into a fight last night. – I’m sorry, what was it about? – I mean, that’s the thing! One second we’re like talking about dinner and then the next we’re just
screaming at each other, like, I don’t know! – I hate when that happens, yeah, relationships are so hard. – So hard! Don’t you agree, Captain Blackwood? – Every day is a life and death struggle when you’re married to the sea. – Yes! It takes a lot of work. – I just got into something with this guy, and physically the connection’s great, but emotionally something feels off. – Every night I stare
into the inky darkness watching, waiting, desperately
seeking the foul behemoth that took me leg, and I’m like, “Hello, the sea, am I invisible?” – Yes, exactly, it’s like
I’m being vulnerable, and I’m not getting anything reciprocated. – I mean, it takes times, you know, and if it is right, it
will work out eventually. – I hope so. I really want to make
it work with this guy. – Yo, exposing your soft underbelly to the harshness of nature is a risk for only the bravest of souls. – It is so true. I mean, being vulnerable is brave, and me and my boyfriend we try to be, and sometimes it works and other times, like last night, not so much. – Oh, tell me about it. Like one moment the sea is tranquil and at the next, a violent maelstrom that makes you turn to the heavens and pray to God for salvation. Completely unpredictable, no explanation. Like I’m supposed to
just know what’s wrong. – Yeah, exactly, hello, I am not a mind reader, people, okay. Don’t make me pull this
information out of you bit by bit. (guts splatter) – Now, in the tough times do
you ever think about leaving? – Yeah, you know, I used to. – The sea will destroy me. – But then there’s so much
more good than bad, you know? It’s like my boyfriend is so
thoughtful and kind and funny. – Ah, the sea air is intoxicating. Its siren’s call luring
me to the briny deep with promises of treasure and adventure beyond your wildest imagination. It also gives me crabs! – Oh! – Oh my gosh.
– Whoa, hey. – Oh, whoa, no, crabs
as in the kinds you eat. – Ooh!
– Oh. – The sea is full of them. – Sure. – Mm, yeah, no, they’re delicious. – Oh, I love shellfish. – The sea is my mistress,
and I’ll love no other. – Oh, that is so romantic (sighs). When it works, it works,
it’s like the perfect storm. – Perfect storm? Batten down the hatches! – Oh, no, oh my god, no,
that’s not what I meant. Yeah, no. – (chuckles) ‘Course. No possible way the sea could
be around here right now. – Well, you’re both much
further along than I am. I’m still nervous about
introducing all my friends. – Oh my god, that is the real test. My best friend hated my
boyfriend when they first met. – Many a crewman I’ve lost to
the fickle whims of the sea. Their bodies dashed upon the jagged rocks. It’s like the sea doesn’t want me to have my own friends or my own life. I want to go on land sometimes, you know? – Well, you can’t please everybody. What’s important is that
you and the sea are happy. – Stubbs, Pippin, Manx, all good men, all dead. – Well thanks for talking with me, guys, I feel a lot better. I’m going to text my
boyfriend and apologize. – Captain Blackwood, I gotta ask you, is it true there’s plenty
of fish in the sea? – Speak ill of my sea wife, will ya?! I stab at thee! (blood splattering) – (gasp) Oh my god, Grant! You can’t say that. – I didn’t know, I am so sorry.

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100 thoughts on “It’s Hard Being Married to the Sea

  1. Use code NICE to get 69% off your first month of DROPOUT:
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  2. I must correct the script writers; one does not marry the sea!
    For whilst one IS wedded to the land; the sea remains a cruel mistress and a dark salty temptress.

  3. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this guy is actually a actor and film director, so he ain`t a keeper. He`s just a guess.

  4. While I agree that Brennan would have been great in this role, as he is in most, I think New Guy really killed it. Is he joining the cast, or is this a one-off? I'd like to see more of him.

  5. For real, though, if you get into shouting matches with your significant other for no good reason, don't just say "Well, relationships are hard, but I'll stick with it". Chances are that your relationship has serious problems, and you both either need to seriously commit to working them out or end the relationship.

  6. Oh, Grant… That last line delivery! Would it kill you to deliver it like you cared to be stuck in the heart!?? Like breathless or something.

  7. Oh, Grant… That last line delivery! Would it kill you to deliver it like you cared to be stuck in the heart!?? Like breathless or something.

  8. I highly doubt you guys take any requests, but the greatest sketch to ever exist would be to just have Brennan explain the plot of Kingdom Hearts.

  9. This sketch seems a bit like a copy + paste of Experimenting (Literally) in College with a sailor instead of a mad german

  10. I'm so glad I can't relate to any of this, my first serious relationship was with my husband (we're both guys and met at 19/20) and it has been incredible, the story itself is romantic and almost fairy-tale-like, we truly completely eachother and are incredibly compatible even while being different in plenty of ways. We started living together literally the second day we met in person and have never had any issues, and I'm not talking about a house or anything here where we have our space, no, we live in a single room in share accommodation and he's always said he's never been happier than being poor with me! One in a million relationship going on 5 years now and still falling more in love every day, the kind where you realize sex doesn't matter, we have a big hug every single day and it's honestly better.

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