If Hogwarts Were an Inner-City School – Key & Peele
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If Hogwarts Were an Inner-City School – Key & Peele


– OKAY, BUT DO I LOOK
IN THE CAMERA? NO? OH, AT YOU?
ALL RIGHT. [chuckles] LIKE ON TELEVISION,
ALL RIGHT. [magical sparking] [booming] – NOW, KNOCK IT OFF! ALL THE STUPID-ASS GRAB-ASS
AND TOUCHY-FEELY BULL[bleep]! GOD DAMN!
I TOLD YOU THEY WAS ROTTEN. – I AM BARNABUS JACKSON,
PRINCIPAL HERE AT CLORTHO’S, UH, VINCE CLORTHO HIGH.
UH– – [grunts]
– THIS STATION’S JUST A FORMALITY,
BUT– – HERE’S A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT
WE CONFISCATED JUST THIS WEEK. – STUFF–WE DON’T HAVE
TO SHOW THEM THAT. – HERE’S A WAND
WITH A SILENCER ON IT. WHY?
BUT I ASK AGAIN, WHY? ONE OUT OF FIVE GIRLS
IN THIS SCHOOL IS PREGNANT
WITH A DEMON BABY! – WELL–
– ONE OUT OF FIVE! – OKAY.
[laughs] THE BABIES ARE EVIL, BUT THE MOTHERS,
THEY’RE GOOD KIDS. AS WE SAY AT CLORTHO’S,
“THERE’S NEVER A PORTAL THAT CANNOT BE OPENED
WITH INGENUITY AND RESPECT.” [can spraying]
– NOW– – [scoffs] HOW YOU GON’ BE USING
AN INVISIBLE CLOAK, WHEN I CAN SEE
YOU’RE TAGGING THE DAMN WALL? – [laughs] – DIME BAG OF PIXIE DUST. – [scoffs]
– CONTRABAND. – SEE,
HERE’S THE THING, THE KIDS KNOW
THAT THE ONLY WAY TO FLY IS– – WIZARD PEPPER.
– UNBELIEVABLE. GET YOUR ASS
OUT MY OFFICE. I WILL TURN YOU
INTO A SPIDER! THEY’RE GOOD KIDS. [school bell ringing]
HOGWARTS AND CLORTHO’S, CLORTHO’S AND HOGWARTS,
THEY GO HAND-IN-HAND, THE BEST TOP TWO
WIZARDING SCHOOLS THERE ARE. BUT YOU KNOW,
OUT OF THESE TWO SCHOOLS, WE EACH HAVE A STRIKE. WE DO SCORE A LITTLE BIT LOWER
ON STANDARDIZED TESTS THAN HOGWARTS,
BUT THERE IS A CULTURAL BIAS. WE MAY NOT HAVE
A HUGE ENDOWMENT LIKE THEY GET
OVER AT HOGWARTS, AND YES,
SOME OF THE TEACHERS HAVE TO BUY THEIR OWN
NEWT’S EYES OR BAT WINGS OR– – ONE KID GOT TRANSFORMED
INTO A CAT. THEY CAN’T EVEN AFFORD
TO CHANGE HIM BACK. – THIS YOUNG MAN’S NAME
IS JAMAR. NORMALLY, YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED
TO TOUCH THE STUDENTS LIKE THIS WHEN THEY’RE
IN HUMAN FORM, BUT WHEN THEY’RE A CAT,
WE JUST HAVE AT IT. SPORTS. EVERYBODY LOVES SPORTS. IT’S TRUE.
– NOT EVERYBODY. – THE HALLWAYS
ARE A-BLUSTER WITH THE CONVERSATION
OF OUR QUIDDITCH TEAM. – HALF THE TEAM
IS BACK HERE RIDING MOPS. WE GOT TWO LITTLE [bleep]
ON SWIFFERS. – LESTER! WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE,
THE AVERAGE CLORTHO STUDENT– [squeaking]
UH, SAY– THIS MOTHER– [laughs] SOMETIMES THE KIDS
THINK IT’S CUTE TO TURN THEMSELVES
INTO A RAT, [laughs]
SNEAK INTO MY OFFICE, PLAY A LITTLE JOKE
ON ME. WHO IS THAT?
TYRONE, IS THAT–IS THAT–? NO,
THAT’S AN ACTUAL RAT.

About James Carlton

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100 thoughts on “If Hogwarts Were an Inner-City School – Key & Peele

  1. I used to like key and peel but they low key racist ass fuck and be making racist comments low key all the time. The world would be sooo much better if people would just stop bringing up race🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

  2. Yeah even in fantasy tagging a wall with an invisible cloak is bout as dumb as you can be 😂😂😂😂😂

  3. Scrolling through these comments, liking those that aren't typing word to word what the fuck they said literally on the video + emojis + LOLLLLLL, because I don't support 'dunderheads'.
    And those comments make my skin crawl and hands ball into fists to just punch out those pearly whites.

  4. If his became a REAL movie, guess who is the MC for the story that equivalent as Harry Potter? is they named as Jamal, Dave and Punisha?? 🤣😝

  5. Them real witches and wizards are thinking..yes yes let the public think its all fake..
    2nd Corinthians 2:10
    Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices

  6. This is the best thing ever and I have never been so early for a Key & Peele video so I’m impressed with myself 😂😂😂

  7. Be careful on the pedocode…
    We all know what a unicorn means..
    Touching children is ok if they behave and r programmed into animals…
    There seems to be such a school of mkultra..
    Research Epstein school and the present US attorney generalBarrs Father recruited Epstein into that school and had connections to CiA and childrens foundations and wrote childrens science fiction books that are an allegory of the debt financila system…
    Epsteins next job was working for and being caught for contributing to Bear Stern fraud..

    ..oh.. And

    Epstein didnt kill himself

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