I graduated from high school
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I graduated from high school

*stomp stompity stomp stomp* *stomp sTOMP stomp STomp* *krschlap* *STomp stomp Stompity* *stompstomp* *stomp* *stomp* *schlpschlp* How do I get down from here? It is 4:30 AM, June 25th and today is my graduation. Now, you might be wondering, “Joana, why on Earth are you up so early???” I want to decorate my grad cap, (yes, you heard that correctly) and I bought this black holographic glitter to glue it onto the top of my cap, so that when the sun hits it, I’m just gonna blind everyone. Yes, I did leave this to the last minute, and, yes, I’m not sure if this is going to stick. You see, when our graduation outfits were handed out, the principal came around, and she did, in fact, advise us against doing EXACTLY WHAT THE HECK I’M DOING because everyone is supposed to look the same. Am I going to be the only one that looks like this? Most likely. Do I care? Also no. This is a terrible idea. I’m sorry I’ve been kind of MIA for the past week. On Friday, was my 18th birthday, so quick thank you to everyone who has been gracefully sending me happy birthday wishes. I filmed a video for my 18th birthday, but it’s never gonna see the light of day because it’s so bad. Why don’t I give you a quick synopsis of everything that happened. So last Friday was my birthday, but the thing was, I couldn’t really celebrate anything on that day. Because I had a calculus exam in the morning. And lemme tell you, I was mentally exhausted after it. I pretty much slept as soon as I got home. And then the NEXT day, it was my friend Jade’s birthday party. She also turned 18. Shoutout to you Jade, I’m looking forward to dying in adulthood together. Which then left me with Sunday to carry out my festivities. So obviously, I made a cake. And uh, I made an avocado cake. Okay. And um, let’s just say… should’ve left the cooking to Mother Goose. It’s not my forte. You see, the recipe called for one cup and a half of avocado. But, I got excited and put three cups of avocado because I thought more avocado equals more tasty, right? Wrong. That’s not what happened. Avocado gets really bitter when you put it in the oven for some reason. Oh Oop That’s too much. Yes, this is looking so amazing. This is the best decision I’ve ever made. The principal, honestly, I don’t know what she was thinking. If my principal is watching this… *Contemplating mistake and then purposely ignoring it* But back to my birthday. I’m sorry the video didn’t turn out well. And that it’ll never really see the light of day. I’ll put in the only clip I can probably salvage from that video right now. And then you judge for yourself if you would’ve watched it. *intense inhaling of helium* HeLLO HELLOHELLO! *high-pitched cackle* *more vigorous inhalation of helium* MamAAAAAAAAAAA ooOoOoOOOOOO didn’T mEaN tO mAKe yOu CRY My name’s Bennett, and I ain’t in it. aHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Actually, that is not correct. Because according to the encyclopedia of shdHSFDKS Y’all got games on your phone??? If you’re wondering whether I’m slightly morose about finishing high school Who’d you think I was? I was ready to graduate… In grade eleven! (11) I’d like to get on the soapbox and like, preach about the importance of school. But I’m ready to leave. My sleeping schedule went out the window this year There nights where I was getting two hours of sleep. And you know, I’ve always been someone who sleeps A LOT. So to go from that to just barely being able to sleep, half the time I didn’t even know what the heck was going on. *pat pat pat pat pat* I am making the biggest mess EVER. ~ASMR~ That was some nice ASMR. 👌 Oh wait, Youtube, it wasn’t sexual I’m sorry. Don’t take down my channel. One last corner here, and I am going to blind everyone on this planet. This is the breed of extra that I wanna be in my life. Hello, my dudes, and welcome to my closet! You know, the last time I ate in here, my closet started filling up with water and then I woke up on an island with a talking lion. So, I’ll let you guys know if that happens again. So, now we have to start to get ready. It’s 7 a.m., we have to be at the venue at 10 a.m., and then the ceremony starts at 11 a.m. The thing I’m worried the most about is that between 10 a.m. and 11 a.m. that is prime ravenous hour for me. And I don’t think they have refreshments so I’m going to be running up the walls with hunger. Anyways, what are we doing for hair and makeup. I’m going to do the normal thing I usually do, you know? I’m going to wash my hair, my mom will blow dry it because I dunno how to do that. I’ll paint my nails, probably some boring beige color because my hat is already insane. I mean like we don’t want to be extra tacky here. And then, I’ll put on my outfit. I’m wearing the same dress I wore to the Shorty Awards. I’m really not up for pulling something together, so I’m just gonna reuse an outfit. That’s right Anna Wintour. Crucify me. I dare you. So let’s get pampered. My dudes, this is it. I fricken made it! Not in one piece, but in several. I pity the solidier who dare put this egg back together. But nevertheless, I was graduating High School. Not going to lie, I was pretty loopy from the early morning DIY craft session, but I was not letting that phase my excitement in the slightest. I got ready in the nick of time, and I was only left waiting for my parents. My dad obviously got ready in 0.2 seconds, and he was more than proud of the outfit he was able to pick out himself. My mother, on the other hand, she dawned her periwinkle Brooks Brother dress, which thank God it wasn’t Talbots, that store smells like decaying old ladies. The best part about this was the fact that we were in fact matching. We looked like those twins from The Shining. And yes, we were coming to kill you. But that’s off topic. At this point, the time was 9:52 and as always happens when we have some ceremony to attend to, we were running late. So we got into our car as fast as possible My hat was looking AMAZING! It was to die for! Some too fancy designer needs to make a graduation collection with bedazzled grad caps. As accessories. Anyways, we were in the car speeding off to the venue. This car ride was fateful to say the least. This was the last time I would ever leave my house as a high school student. Every stoplight was green. It was almost like the universe was telling me that I needed to leave high school. Like, “Hang it up, idiot!” At, I kid you not, 10:59 a.m. we arrived at the venue. Here was where things were going to suddenly get really serious. No longer was this a future event that we were in the midst of preparing for. I was gonna leave this prison forever. Only to enter another one known as University in September. It was at this point that I was separated from my parents and herded into this gymnasium where all my fellow graduates were congregated like some sick cult. I found Jade who was just as, if not more, enthusiastic about leaving high school than I was. At 11 a.m. the ceremony began. Us cattle were led into the gym with the graduation diploma as bait. Sitting in my seat, I realized just how huge my grad cap was. My tiny, little, apple-sized head was being drowned in it. Like, there was so much space in there, I could fit my personal kitchen. Some people started talking. They were important people, nonetheless but with all due respect, it was going in one ear and out the other. Just like how people look like skin colored blobs when I’m not wearing my glasses the same concept applied to the sounds being uttered by the people on the stage. Did I fall asleep? That’s for me to know and my lawyer to know. Wait, what? Finally, the preamble was over and the graduates were being called to the stage. Honestly, everything kinda blanked out at this moment. Where was I? Where was the food? Was I wearing pants?? I have no recollection. Thank God I filmed it or else I would have to blame it on my undiagnosed memory loss. And with that, it was all over. I had my diploma and my high school career was over. All those sleepless nights, the breakdowns before tests. It was accumulated in this little sheet of paper like some sick reminder. It’s kinda sad if you think about it. OH MY GOD!! THEY HAVE FOOD! But don’t get your hopes up. They decided to tuna in these sandwiches, so even I was not capable of forcing it down. Like, seriously dudes. Even on my day, I have to be mocked with my overly picky food preferences?? My dad ate it though. He’ll eat just about anything. At this point, it was already nearly 2 p.m. and everybody and their third removed cousin was absolutely ravenous. So, my parents and I decided to not stay for the post-ceremony milling with people in the lobby and go for dinner. I mean, those tuna sandwiches were not cutting it in the slightest. I changed into more comfortable shoes because my toes were being squished into a singularity and we sped off to Jamie Oliver’s restaurant. It ran away from Britain a couple months ago and hasn’t left since. I’m not complaining though because the food is impeccable. I started with an entree of these little fried ravioli things. I was expecting three maybe four of these vessels but was surprised to see an entire army full. Obviously, it tasted amazing. I mean, where can you go wrong with fried ravioli? The name itself sounds like the best heart disease you would ever get. Next, I ordered the so-called Chicken Club dish. Now, I was expecting a chicken salad so I was taken aback when a chicken burger the size of my head was thrust in front of me. There were even fries to go with it. Like, they threw everything plus the kitchen sink into this creation. The one major flaw with this dish was the fact that there was a red slice of demon barf in my sandwich. So, I had to perform emergency surgery to remove the parasite from my meal. And then I absolutely devoured the thing. Fun fact about me: Whenever I have to eat a sandwich, I take it apart and eat all of its’ constituents separately. I’m not kidding. Something about eating everything together scares the crap out of me. You don’t know what’s hiding in there! But this sandwich, this one, I was capable of eating altogether. So that must mean something. Finally, it was time for dessert. On that day, we really went all out. We each ordered a chocolate fudge brownie with gelato and caramelized popcorn. Now, I’d never eaten caramelized popcorn and it was strange to say the least. To me, popcorn should be buttery, not sweet. How do people eat this!? Onto the gelato. It was amazing. You also can’t really go wrong with this. You have to probably not know that ice cream exists to mess that one up. The brownie was really good too. My teeth wore the marks of the battle I had with this delicacy. Not gonna lie, it was at this point that all of this food started to really take a toll on me. Both me and my mother were getting extremely nauseous. Maybe it was the sugar. Maybe it was the chicken. Maybe it was that stupid tomato. But we forced it down with all of our might. And that was the end of our feast. The food coma was starting to set in, so we left the restaurant to go home. And that was my day dudes. That was it. All I can say is, what a freaking day! So much went down and yet half of it was spent sitting and listening. At this point, you’re probably wondering, “Joanna, what are your post-secondary plans?” Well, I actually addressed in a separate video almost five months ago. So, it’s best if you go watch it because I explain it in more detail. But to put it simply, yes, I am going to university and I am majoring in Physics and Astronomy. NOT ENGLISH, contrary to popular belief! I am planning on talking more about this in my next video because there are a bunch of things to unpack on this topic. So, stay tuned for that. But for now my dudes, this will have to do. I hope you enjoyed yourself watching this video. I hope it buttered your eggroll. And I’ll see you in the next one. TOODLES!!

About James Carlton

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100 thoughts on “I graduated from high school

  1. "Red slice of demon barf in my sandwich so I had to perform emergency surgery to remove the parasite from my meal". 🤣🤣🤣🤦🙆♥️

  2. I wish I was like you in high school! I was a very angsty person (even the first few years of college… maybe even now).

    It’s so cool to see someone your age who is so funny and happy 🙂

  3. I’m late but……. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY !!🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑🥑

  4. I've been getting 4 hours of sleep and I'm only in year 8 highschool (Australia it's different in Australia ppl this is my second year of hs)

  5. It sucks that you guys were advised to not decorate your caps, we were all encouraged to personalize them. There were a lot of creative caps in my class

  6. At least when joana became popular she didn’t become like Emma chamberlain like she used to be entertaining but all the money must have got to her love you joana

  7. i wish my school had a graduation like u people from the american continent r so lucky we don’t even get a diploma or something it’s just o yeah u had extremely high anxiety for like 2 weeks of ur senior year and took like 20 different types of exams in like 4 different languages ( i go to a french private school in norway so we have to take a bachelors in french english spanish/german norwegian and to finish all of that u also have to take all of the sciences and orals in those 4 different languages
    but then u don’t get a week to do weird shit like senior week or idk how u call it and u don’t even get a graduation ceremony

  8. You always put a smile/smirk on my face, Joana. That intro…but 0:19 my mind instantly went "Oh g-d, she's going to break her elbow again!" 😘

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