How To Meet Cool People After College
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How To Meet Cool People After College


For better or worse, when you’re in school, your social circle is kind of on autopilot in that your friends are gonna come from the class
that you’re in or at least this school that you are in but once you graduate, it can be very hard to figure out
where you’re supposed to go to meet cool new people or how you’re supposed to actually make them your friends. And that’s why in this video I want to give you three awesome ways to meet cool people after graduating and this is gonna be really useful if you’ve just graduated or you may have graduated a long time ago but you’re
moving to a new city and you have to start over or quite frankly, anywhere in between; because these
are the principles for making friends in any situation. So first one is this — be the hub. Now, what I mean by this is if you think of a bicycle wheel, it’s got a bunch of spokes coming into a central hub. And the question is — in your friend group, are you more
like the hub — the person who is organizing events saying, “Let’s go to my house,” or “guys, do you wanted me to this restaurant at 7:00?” or “go to this movie on Wednesday night,” — or are you the person who is the spoke? — sitting at home waiting for the text to come in
which sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. That is the downside of being a spoke. Yes, you don’t have to take charge of organizing events but you’re only invited some of the time and even worse, when one of the other spokes has a party or a cool event and they can’t invite everybody, who is the person that they invite? It’s inevitably the person that invited them; it’s that hub. And this is why people who tend to organize events or just have dinners where they invite a bunch of people over tend to make friends exponentially faster than the people who are just invited. So if you want to kickstart your friend group, this is a really easy thing to do Think of something this week that you can invite your immediate circle of friends to or even your family and also encourage them to bring anyone that they might like — it could be a dinner, could be movie, or it could be game night. The second thing — I’ll admit is the one that I do because I’m not an organizer; I hate planning things and I’ve really almost never do it so I have to rely on this one — and it’s to be the beacon. And what I mean by this is to stand out in a way that makes you stand out in people’s minds as a little bit different but then they
associate you with other people like you concretely. When I first left my job along with Ben, we were dealing with a lot of conversations from our friends trying to talk us out of quitting our jobs becoming entrepreneurs and moving to Brazil with no plan. When that inevitably failed and we said, “No, we’re going,” they said, “Alright, at least talk to my buddy who quit his job last year and is an entrepreneur” or “alright, you should talk to this guy who moved to Brazil last year; he can help you sort of get your bearings.” And that’s how we met our best friend in Brazil and I’ve met countless entrepreneurs from other people who maybe didn’t necessarily approve of what we were doing but because we were so different in their mind, they kind of set up like friend dates where they put us together and that had never
happened to me in my life until I started to stand out. Now, you might not be an entrepreneur and you may be wondering how do I do this. If that’s the case, there’s actually a very easy way. And it’s to take a hobby of yours — preferably something you really like or that is very different — and put it early in conversation and I’ve seen Ben do this a ton. People say, “What do you do?” when you can of course say your job but then you can say, “Also, on the weekends, I like surfing. Now, some people won’t respond to that but some people very enthusiastically will go, “Oh, my god, man. Me too. I’ve been looking
for a surf partner. Do you want to go sometime?” They go surfing; if they’re friendly, they hang out outside of that. Or they’ll say, “I’m not into it but my buddy is.
You guys should meet,” and the same thing happens. Quite frankly, this is how I have met 95% of the people in my life; they have come into it through Charisma on Command since I graduated college and I am forever thankful of this — those of you who have emailed me, my friends and my roommates, guys who came to the first ever class that I held, a guy one of my roommates was a guy who came to the first ever class of Charisma University which is our online course. Shameless plug — if you want to check that out, it’s in the link below. But all of these people came in because we were
the beacon and I highly recommend doing this. If you’re curious for more, I’m also going to put a link to a video that is on finding and identifying your passion so you can put it out there — in social media, Instagram, blogging, and YouTube. You will be surprised and you can feel awkward and strange putting your music out there or whatever it is that you love but inevitably, over time, people do tend to go to the one that’s raising their hand and saying, “This is what I like.” So consider being the beacon. The third thing is going to be the easiest one and also one that can have the funniest events which is saying yes to things that you’d never say yes to. And when I got to Costa Rica, this is exactly what I did. I thought salsa dancing was super lame and I also had no friends when I got to Costa Rica so I kind of had to do what they did and I took a salsa dancing class. I wound up meeting almost all of my friends in Costa Rica and the girl that I dated. Later on in life, there’s a ton of things that you can do; you’ve got improv comedy, you’ve got rock climbing, you’ve got theater groups, and you’ve got all sorts of things if you go to meetup.com and just sign up for something that you wouldn’t before. I actually did this — I went to meet up and it was called Skillshare back in the day and there was a class on life hacks and it was held by this guy named Scott and it looked like a cool class; it wasn’t something I do but I decided to go. And I got there and was a cool class and I actually
really liked the guy giving it; I wanted to be his friend. Now, at the event, he was the beacon. He was the person standing there, everyone liked him, and after class, like eight people ran up to go talk to him which I was like, “Alright, this is not me,” so I had to leave. And this is what happens when you say yes — friends aren’t made automatically just by showing up to Toastmasters or improv or some Meetup but a few weeks later, I came across an interesting life hack and I emailed him. And then I went back and I was the hub; I said, “You and me and my buddy should meet up on dinner and talk because it sounds like we have a lot of common interests.” And so me and him and Ben went out to the club and went out to dinner together, became friends… long story short, he eventually quit his job and moved to Brazil with us. But the point of that story is that you can’t just say yes. When you go to these events, you eventually have to be the hub. So if you go to improv and there’s a handful of people you want to make friends with, the way to do it after is to say, “Hey, my friend” or “I” or whoever it is “is going to go out to dinner after class next week; do you guys want to come?” If they say yes, you go to dinner; now you’re the hub — you’ve started a new social circle. So we have those three things — be the hub, be the beacon, and say yes the things that you might not have said yes to before but what that does, of course, is it puts you in a circumstance
where you’re surrounded by new cool people when you’re still going to have to make a good first impression on them. So in order to help you do that, we have set up a video that teaches you the four emotions you can make in any individual in any culture that will make them like you respect you and want to get to know you better and eventually to be your friend so if you’re curious with those four emotions that you’re going to want to create in the other person are, you can go below or click the link around here which I will set up. It’s going to take you to a page, you drop your email, and you’ll get immediate access to that video. If you like this and want more let me know in the comments below what kind of stuff you’d like me to cover in future weeks;
if this is the first time, welcome to the channel. I hope that you decide to subscribe and of course to hit that notification bell so that you don’t miss any new videos like this one. I hope that you enjoyed this and I will see you in the next video.

About James Carlton

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100 thoughts on “How To Meet Cool People After College

  1. Dude, THANK YOU!!! This is a problem i've been having trouble with lately, lost my gf, and i really need to make friends

  2. For those wondering what the most important piece of advice is in this video, it's this: Drop whatever you're doing and move to Brazil with Charlie.

  3. As a natural organizer, you're right. The person I always seem to want to talk to is the person with the most stand out traits. In the sense that their quirks are a symbol of how we'd get along and are similar to one another. Like wearing a video game t shirt, or talking about philosophy.

  4. @Charisma on Command

    You focus a lot on the theory of Charisma, when you make a point it always makes sense and is a very intelligent point.
    But could you provide 1-2-3 examples after each and every point? Just 1 would help a whole lot.
    When people are new at Charisma they need structure and examples.
    Only people who know a lot and are already very good can take the theory you provide and roll with it to actually successfully use it.

    Thanks!

  5. You guys have some incredible videos analyzing celebrities or characters on why they succeed in different aspects of life, like your video of Tyrion Lannister. I'd be interested to watch a video on Negan from The Walking Dead and how he inspires respect and faithfulness from others while being an absolutely trash bag of a person.

  6. This is a weird request. But I work in a building where I use the elevator a lot. But I'm only on the 2nd floor. I'm constantly having awkward interactions. There's not enough time for small talk. We just stand uncomfortably. Any suggestions on what to do? I know that's really niche but I'd love to see a vid on that.

  7. Can you do a video on how one can practice to speak more eloquently? A lot of things I say end up being an overly wordly mess where I have to rephrashe things over again to make people understand =(

  8. The beacon one is important – even in some modest sense, you have to demonstrate value for people to come to you 'spontaneously' or to include you. But if you're a true beacon, you're going to have to deal with most people being more drawn to you than you to them, which is strangely taxing.

  9. Does he know sign language? He definitely exaggerated his mouth whilst speaking and also uses his hand a lot seemingly without realising when he speaks.

  10. It's pretty crazy how easy it is for us to make kids (even when homeschooled) because of how open minded we are to trying everything yet as we become adults more filters are applied and many find it incredibly hard to make friends.

    My best tip to tag onto the video is to not focus on making friends in any one area. If you exclusively play online games and don't leave your house, stop it and join a local meetup.

  11. Please make a video on how to accept yourself as you are while you improve yourself?? I’m not sure how those concepts can coexist! Thanks! So much respect for the dedication you and Ben put into this channel!!!

  12. Сколько тебе сейчас лет? Такое ощущение, что на лет 5-10 старше стал, чем когда начал снимать видео на ютуб

  13. The more relaxed you become with your own differences, the more comfortable you will start to feel just being YOU. Celebrate being different, off the beaten path, a little on the weird side… your own special creation. If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means, find a new river to swim in. But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.

  14. Viewed the video just to dislike

    No one cares if you have friends , it’s easy when your good looking and have a line of perfect teeth only 1 in 1000 guys have

    When a ugly person with lots of friends starts making these videos I’ll maybe take the advice seriously?

    I Would love everyone’s thoughts on this, comment below

  15. Always enjoy your videos, Charlie! I aldo like watching your channel grow. Good tips for both intraverts and extraverts. 🙂

  16. good timing haha i was just listening to a former surgeon general speak about loneliness. It's impact on lifespan is similar to obesity or smoking apparently. Thought that was wild

  17. Hello, Charlie, what is the correct way to offer help to the elderly/someone whom you don't know? So that you don't make him feel uncomfortable?

  18. You should make a video on Ryan Is Driving, that guy exudes charm. Given the recent video he posted is now viral it'd be perfect time to make him one of your video topics.

  19. Awesome insight! I like the clarity and focus (not underestimating your charisma) that u communicate with 🙂

  20. Could you do a video about asking a girl, that your really don't talk to, to prom? My school prom is coming up soon and I want to ask a girl but I rarely talk to her. Please make a video on this because it would help me, plus I'm sure it would help lots of people out there!

  21. Dudes you NEED to do a video on musician/artist MAC DEMARCO! He's an incredible guy, his charisma flows like a hot radiant caramel

  22. Please keep the camera fixed, the pan in/out is a good idea that only winds up distracting/detracting from the content.

  23. How to act around people you definitely don't like. Feign interest in them? Be straight forward and let them know you don't really like them? To be or not to be…

  24. Hey Ben and Charlie! These videos have been super helpful and I have grown so much more social and less shy ever since I started watching. I have a challenging situation… I go to an exclusive art school with only 10 students, and yeah, they are all 100% introverted. I've done everything to try and converse with them, invite them over to hang out, shoot em a smile or make sure to say hi every day, but no matter how talkative I can get them to be, they always revert back to square one (their super-shy selves), the next morning, and it's like I have to coax them to socialise with me again and again. I've felt like giving up and not speaking to anyone at my school ever again many times. I'll probably be with these other students for 3 more years, so I want to build strong relationshps with as many as I can. What might I be doing wrong, or what more can I do? Thank you guys for making these videos!! Saved my life.

  25. Wow, I’ve been in Brazil for almost 2 months. Hope you’re having a good time. Been able to meet some pretty great people here.

  26. Charlie Hi. Can you make more videos about relationship. For instance how to keep relationship or what to do if you're always can't understand each other. And I'm very thankful to you and to this chanel. You told me a lot of things about charisma friendship about relationships. Thank you in advance.

  27. The point is I usually make a good impression on people, I can feel they like me. but then, when I start inviting them because I want to create a new social circle, they all disappear with a "so sorry, I'm busy". And this happen all the time… is very frustrating 🙁

  28. How do you feel about inviting groups of friends from different social circles (eg. friends from work, family, friends from school, etc.)? Sometimes people don’t come because they feel weird hanging with ppl from another group that they don’t know. I’ve had this happen on birthday invites. Although, some people are just flakes regardless lol. I’ve been to parties where the only person I knew was the birthday person, but it didn’t stay that way by the end of the night.

  29. 5:53 – i tried since 4 years to make some new freinds, by saying yes to things and going to all types of events without almost any positive results, but now i see what i did wrong

  30. скоро популярность переводов перегонит оригинальный контент, почему так?) а так успехов всем каналам!

  31. I just recently noticed that I'm no longer making any new friends once I graduated college; thanks for this video! Also, holy crap man, your teeth are so white! Crest whitening strips?

  32. MAANNNN!!!! As soon as you said, "be the hub", i knew id been fucking up my whole life because little by little i have strategically made myself the outsider

  33. Just remember one thing kids, don't do drugs! Even if your "friends" tell you to, or you think it looks cool. Be yourself, I'm tired of seeing people that just got in college go this dark and horrible path

  34. The way I see it, first impressions are just there to hook somebody into a longer conversation. If the person has to spend time around you regardless, they'll learn about your 'true self' (or more true self; whatever) over time anyway. So long as there is enough interactions with them, of course.

  35. Toastmasters was a good start, but it wasn't until I suggested we go for a drink after the evening meeting that things started clicking. Going to keep trying this "being a beacon" thing. Might even have to put a siren on my head or something 😛

  36. I have had this personal issue of mine for YEARS I’m now in my 20’s still facing it.

    When I was in school everyone kind of made friends and found the ppl they click with. But for me it just didn’t work I didn’t feel comfortable with people and I didn’t get to know anyone.

    By the end of the year after a whole YEAR of school.. on the last 3 days I started to feel comfortable and make friends with people and find out a lot more than I ever new!

    But by then it was the end of the year and everyone was going home and never to be seen again! Lol so sad right I finally make friends and feel comfortable enough on the last days of school….. so the rest of the year was just lonely days….

    Same thing with parties and fun events! I won’t know anyone but by the time im drunk and it’s 2am everyone’s ready to go home…. I finally start to become friends with them just as there heading home….

    Why is this!?!!? It’s Fkd my whole life up.

    I can go a whole day not talking to anyone ppl may even think I’m on drugs because of how distant and quite I am…

    And by the time they talk to me and we establish a connection it turns out I’m actually cool

    We have so much in common like video games, movies, what food we like etc etc

    But it doesn’t matter because it’s too late by then a years passed and they just knew me as the quite kid or just they couldn’t read me

  37. How do you talk to people who already have a click. I am newly home schooled i have a horse so he is at a barn( so there are people who i like there just wouldn't hangout outside of that setting with them) i have my old friends and i still go to the same parish but it is rather large and i don't know how to explore out side of a friend group who i am vary different from them. There is also homeschooling groups but my ex introduced me to them i don't know if he still goes it has been 3 weeks since i broke up with him and i am planing on going back soon though i wounder how to talk to people who already have enough friends. i am interested in psychology horses conservative politics and theology I like to be active i love to get into deep topics even with people who disagree i have had a friend who's only similar interest with me was debating. I can do small talk and have fun though i like to play argue when i can. How do i find people who like the same things i like having friends who are different but i want someone who will have fun engaging in debates and will talk about deep things with me but also knows how to goof off.

  38. Thank god you don't have 1 minute long intros, your vid litterally starts after you let a word out your lips

  39. Im not sure, if you are aware of it. but I just switched to this video and there was a difference in volume to the other video. Im not a person to stop watching because of it. But changing the volume every time another video starts can be really annoying. 😀 nice channel and content thow. thank you

  40. I like cooking, not saying I'm good or experienced at it, but I love learning Thai recipes. Is that a hobby that I can make friends with?

  41. When a video about how to make friends starts with "in your friend group"… None of these are helpful when you littrally have no friends or your friends live in different cities or countries

  42. 1. Be the hub – Be in the charge of organizing event
    2. Be the beacon – become the type of person whom people want to hang out with based on my hobby or whatnot
    3. Saying yes to things that has never been said yes – try something new that has never done before

  43. My problem is that I'm so much more intelligent and cool than other people.The intelligence part sucks- I can find a few people here and there to talk with but it is usually for just one thing like music or whatever. The cool part sucks too and is hard to quantify but I must be about 20 times cooler than the average guy and I have impeccable taste which is an issue.The coolest people I meet I'm about twice as cool as but that's rare. Obviously somebody like Curtis LeMay or Churchill would be as cool as me but those people are hard to find.

  44. What a weird fucking topic to make a video about.
    Love the channel and It's obvious Charlie is a genius…. but this seemed off.

  45. Latin Americans are very social by nature. Over there you really need not make too much of an effort. The US is much more of a challenge to make friends.

  46. How to make Time Travel a good idea
    1. Invent time machine
    2. Travel to the 22nd century
    3. Invent a Device that can alter the odds in the 22nd century
    4. Use that Device to make the odds certain that Time Travel is a good idea

  47. first of all thanks for all this info. in did help a lot , i got a Q; sometimes you don't get the opportunity to be the hub nor the beacon what can you do then ??

  48. Hank Green said in one of his podcasts the friends that he’s had the longest are the ones who do the work to get together and send the first text.

  49. my only friends nowadays are girlfriends then we breakup and totally alone feeels bad man, so i start begging for a cheating girlfriend back smh. ugh

  50. Why do you want to do something so stupid and pathetic like make friends for?
    People are fake, toxic, and not to be trusted…
    End of story…

  51. I used to be the hub but had to back out of everyone's lives to fix my own. It's wild going to parties and seeing everyone I put together still hanging out only now with families. I don't really hang out with these people much anymore as i've explored being close to all of them and what all social circles were around and it was all kind of dead ends. I make time to hang out with my new friends more than my old friends just because it feels like there is more opportunity to meet new people.

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