Oh yeah Dan! Why don’t you film your next video outside? That’s a great idea! *signs of coldness* So Okay, I am freezing my tits off. We’re going in. Right. So this is the the time of year when those of you who are still in school have just started to go back *snort* Sucks to be you! High-five to the people not at school, yeah! How’s that existential crisis coming along? One thing that I get asked a lot is, “Dan, you didn’t finish education that long ago, how did you survive school?” Erm, to put it simply, I didn’t. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved some classes and some teachers and I had some great times with my friends but, err, no one wants to hear positive anecdotes so, instead of offering advice on how to get through school I thought I’d just say everything which you should definitely avoid doing. [upbeat music] Leave all of your homework to the last minute. Every time. The idea that after spending six hours walking around hell I’d have to go home and solve more equations I just disagreed with, morally We all know I’m a big procrastinator, but as any one of my school friends would tell you I almost literally never did any homework. Past excuses that I cannot recommend include: Sigh, what is it this time? Would you believe my printer broke? Ugh, so annoying *grinding of printer hate* Yeah, that’ll do. I had nose cancer. Yeah, but I’ve totally recovered now. And I’ve got a, uh, letter from my mum. And sometimes just: I didn’t do it, okay? Just, punish me. Whatever it is, just lay it on me, right now. I’m ready, just do it. But trust me, okay, unless you aspire to having a successful career or something, you will not need trigonometry, at any point in your life. Probably. Alright, mate, gimme your iPhone. No, good sir, for I have the power of triangles! You what? [comic shooting sounds] *sizzle* [triumphant music] So I tell you from experience, the best thing is to do it, as soon as you’ve been set it but, uh, hey, practice what you preach! Dealing with Dickheads. Let people’s words get to you, even though they’re just kids, dealing with their own issues. I don’t know why, but I stood out as an easy target. I think it might be because I’m one of those humans that actually smiles at people, which is, you know, obviously a sign of weakness which should be punished. But the problem with going to school in south-west England is that you basically have a bunch of middle-class white kids that like to think they’re drug dealing rappers Dafuq you lookin’ at blud? Don’t make me shoot you! What? Mummy, I want my pudding! No, Timothy, after you’ve finished your caviar. Now I’m quite a, um, I refuse to call myself sassy kind of person I like that kind of conflict the kind where I get to make someone realise how stupid they are The thing is, though, as I am literally the human fucking embodiment of Winnie the Pooh I would never say it Not because I was a pussy. I just didn’t really care. I was unintentionally Jesus, that’s what I’m saying here. This is what I mean. [music] Sigh, why are you both late? I know why he was late, cause he was busy being a gaylord! Ha ha! Dickhead. What? [music] I know why he was late, cause he was busy being a gaylord! Oh why were you late, then? Did the family caravan break down? Did your mum get in the car and the wheels fell off? Did you get sent home from Jeremy Kyle for being too ugly? [sobs] So hey. I’m sure we all know a few people like that, but I turned out okay, apart from the, um, deep seated anger which now permanently resides within me. [cheering] Teachers! Talk back to them! That way, you’ll earn their respect. I don’t know why I refused to retaliate to other kids, but I had no problem getting my sass out on a teacher I remember once, when I was 17, my geography teacher called me a peasant. I’m not joking, this actually happened. I think I was arguing some point about global warming, and she said “Daniel, shut up, you’re behaving like a peasant.” [snaps fingers] Like, actual silence fell across the room, and I was just like, “You can’t call your students peasants!” “Yes, I can. I just did.” We had an in-depth coversation after class. I mean other than the Irish math teacher I had for three years, which totally ruined my education, [heavily accented] Shut up okay? Right, today, lads we’re gonna be talkin’ about surds. Ohh. Well, I’m fucked. And the English teacher who definitely just didn’t give a shit Right, well, uh, who wants to watch a video? Um, sir, the exam is next week and we haven’t really started doing anything. Uh, my wife just left me and I’m having a mid-life crisis whilst dealing with alcohol problems. Some of them were really cool. And finally, getting out of gym. Claim to forget your sports kit, every week. For two years. I’m not joking, okay? It just got to a point where I had had enough of playing rugby in frozen mud at 9 am and being shouted at for being about as useful on a football team, as a walrus with no limbs. So there was basically a gang of druggies and emos who literally said they’d forgotten their kit every week and used to just sit there listening to their iPods for an hour. Hey Dan, you should check out this band called Fall Out Boy. -Oh, okay! I loved that class. So there we go! That is, from personal experience, everything you should completely ignore if you want to have a great time at school. One thing I will say though, and I’m sure everyone over 18 watching can relate to this: Yes, homework sucks and school is full of twats, but at least you don’t have to constantly worry about your future. See, when you’re in school, you don’t really have to worry about the future cause you have to be in school for the next few years, but as soon as you leave, it’s like Oh my god! Oh god! Every second I spend doing nothing, i’m wasting my life! Oh god! So yeah, sucks to be you! I’ll just go back to worrying what I’m doing for the rest of my life [storm sounds] It’s the sexy end-screen dance! I’m not doing it for fun, I’m doing it so I don’t freeze to death. Yeah, I hope you enjoyed the video and if you did, then please thumb me you know where to put that thing And if you want to see more of my videos, click here to subscribe to my channel. Sometimes I contemplate what I’m doing with the rest of my life and then I remind myself, ah yes, you thrust your hips in front of a camera for the internet. Great. I know that some of you have probably finished school and some of you probably haven’t even started yet- Yeah, Dan loads of 4-year-olds watch YouTube videos, don’t they. Bleh.