ADHD & ODD: Getting Calls from School
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ADHD & ODD: Getting Calls from School


Well, good day. Are you getting calls from your child’s school
regarding their behavior, their disruptive behavior? That’s what we’re going to talk about today. I’m Bonnie Liotta, this is my husband Thomas
Liotta and we work with parents all over the globe online, to help them live with more
peace, harmony, happiness, co-operation etc. And today we’re going to be talking about
creating a proactive success plan for your child when he goes to school to help you get
rid of that disruptive behavior right now. And you’ll stop getting calls from the school. How exciting would that be? We’re 1 minute before 6. I want to allow an opportunity for people
to come on and join us live If you have questions, maybe save them till the end. We’re going to be about 45 minutes this evening
before we rap up. So, go ahead and grab yourself a cup of tea
or a glass of water and we’re going to get started in about 30 seconds and Tom’s just
going to share a greeting here quickly. Alright! Well, this is wonderful and you know, I’d
like to praise all the parents out there right here, right now that if your child has a label
or that you’re in the process of going that route or you’re just kind of lost. There’s a part of you that’s been thinking,
you know, I’ve been praying for a solution. It’s not on my radar but I know in my heart
of heart there’s still something else out there. And I want to congratulate you that you haven’t
given up and you have a solemn belief in your heart of heart as a great mom and a great
dad that no matter what situation you’re in, you still have hope and you believe that your
child can learn. You see, I believe it was Anne Sullivan who
also had that belief that when she was introduced to Helen Keller who was born deaf, blind and
mute and she had that authentic, deep, core belief that yes, everyone else gave up. No hope anywhere to be but you believe that
they can learn. And if you look at the history, Helen Keller
became one of the best public speakers of her time because of the strength and the amazing
miracle that a belief in our children can really make happen. And that’s very true today. I applaud you for being here and believing
that we can do something even under these extreme conditions. Yes, we can. Alright, we’re going to do the opening again. Hello Marta, Angela, Sarah, definitely a glass
of wine. I hear that a glass of wine a day can actually
help your heart. I don’t know if that’s true or not but go
for it. Sarah’s here and Britney and Tammie. Wow, lots of everyone. Lots of everyone. So, I just want to say that we were doing
Thursdays and then Tom’s birthday fell on a Thursday and then my daughter’s birthday
fell on a Thursday and my birthday’s next week so we switched them to Friday for now
but hey, you know what, watch the replay or watch us live, you’re still going to get a
ton of gold nuggets. Make sure you have a pad of paper and a pen
handy because you’re going to want to take notes. So, tonight we’re talking about if you’re
getting calls from your child’s school regarding their disruptive behavior and how to handle
the teachers. We’re Bonnie and Thomas Liotta. We are Creating Champions for Life and we
operate with principles that work for every child, every age, every husband and wife. It works for everybody because these are principles. In fact, I don’t know when; about 20 years
ago I read a book called, How to Win Friends and Influence People and if I had applied
that book to my parenting life, I probably would’ve had a different parenting life. So, I’m going to share my story because I
want you to know that I’ve been where you are. I once heard a public speaker say, you know,
you gotta be careful who you listen to. You want to find somebody who used to be where
you are and now have what you want. And that’s me because of this guy right here,
Thomas Liotta. When I met him, I had already been getting
calls from the school for over 6 years because my son, who’s now almost 22 was diagnosed
with ADHD in grade 3 and I had been seeing therapists and councilors and they had prescribed
him medication which I didn’t believe in. It took me almost 6 years to actually go for
it and get him medication because there were no other solutions that I could find. I was following parenting books, I was doing
time-outs, take-aways, grounding and all that stuff that we’ve been taught is positive discipline. But really when you dissect it, it’s not much
more positive than when they used to beat children back 100 years ago. All they did, they kept the same exact formula
which is when the child does something wrong, you come in and do something wrong and they’re
going to learn their lesson. But how many of you have heard two wrongs
don’t make a right? Two wrongs don’t make a right. We know this, we teach it to our kids and
yet we parent that way. So, as I said in the description, we are going
to challenge some of your beliefs tonight. I put a warning there. Like, only come to this presentation if you’re
ready to hear the truth about your child, about their disruptive behavior and about
the school and how they kind of co-relate. So, anyways when I met Tom, 3 of my kids had
actually been diagnosed with ADHD at that time, my youngest with ADHD and the worst
case of oppositional defiant disorder that the psychologist at the school had ever seen. This was the third classroom and second school
that my son was sent to by the time he was in grade 2 and when his substitute teacher
didn’t sharpen his pencil for him he got angry and he stood up, grabbed his desk, threw his
desk across the classroom, wiped out a bunch of other desks and some chairs and they needed
to evacuate the classroom when he continued to jump on a desk and from desk to desk to
desk to desk, out the door and locked himself in the bathroom. And when I met Thomas, he didn’t tell me that
he knew anything about children. I had no idea that he had run a martial arts
school with an after-school program with thousands of kids for over 15 years. I had no idea that he had developed these
positive and proactive principles. But when I saw him actually speak with my
children, I saw a different result like immediately saw different results. When the first time I was going to get Zack
to go to bed and I was terrified because I had my good mom hat on. I’m going to be the nicest mom I can possibly
be because I have company over. And so, I’m like, Zack, it’s time for bed. And he automatically went into his whine,
I don’t want to go to bed. And Tom came around the corner, gave him a
choice, asked him a question where Zachary had to think and make a decision and I saw
him take responsibility with a happy face as he went running to bed and stayed there
all night for the first time in his life without a 2 hour screaming fit. We were able to take the same exact principles
and make a plan with the school which we’re going to talk about or Tom’s going to talk
about in just a little bit. But I want to give you a solid foundation. A foundation to work with because when my
children were being diagnosed at first, I didn’t believe that something could be wrong
with my kids but after 6 years of going through the system, I did start to believe it and
worse than that is my children actually believed it. They believed that they were unworthy. They believed that their brain was broken. They believed that they couldn’t learn like
the rest of the kids and so, it’s going to start with the beliefs that you have mom or
dad about the potential of your child in order to move forward in order to create success. And so, to understand that all children are
born with basically no life skills. They don’t know how to hold a fork. They don’t know how to hold a bottle. They don’t know how to walk. They don’t know how to sit in a chair and
so some other things that I want to mention here that they don’t know how to do when they’re
a baby is self-control, focus, respect, responsibility, how to follow directions, how to negotiate,
how to share toys, how to protect themselves from bullies because really our job is to
prepare our children for the real world, right? Our job is to prepare our children for life. And if we as parents are going to be going
into the school to protect our child from every bully and to stand up for our child
or be their little champion which I’m totally for, be their champion. But you want to start thinking about, are
you going to be there when they’re going to college? Are you going to be there when they have a
job? Are they going to have a special needs person
following them around their job to keep them focused on the task at hand? Or are they going to have to be completely
independent by that time? They can get themselves out of bed, get themselves
to work on time, work with good work ethics, stay off that phone. No texting friends during the work day, right. So, you want to start thinking about these
things in a proactive manner versus oh my gosh, the school called. Now what do I do? Oh my gosh, my child’s doing this, now what
do I do? So, it’s very similar to jumping out of an
airplane without a parachute and then saying, oh, I jumped out of the plane. I forgot my parachute. Now what do I do? Hi Kimberly. Welcome, I think it’s your birthday. Happy Birthday Kimberly. You’re here on your birthday to learn how
to be a more proactive mom and how to empower your kids. I love it. I wanted to just talk a little bit more too
about Helen Keller. Thomas talked about her at the beginning of
the presentation, how she was, she couldn’t talk, she couldn’t hear and she couldn’t see. And she was actually born being able to do
that but she had scarlet fever or something and at about 18 months old she lost those,
what do you call them… senses. She couldn’t see, she couldn’t hear, she couldn’t
speak. And there was a scene in the movie about the
documentary of her where she’s screaming and freaking out. She actually goes to the dinner table and
she grabs the dinner cloth and she pulls everything off the table just freaking out. And her dad’s going, oh my gosh, she needs
to be sent to a psych ward. She needs to be in a hospital. There’s no way that she could be here. And everybody is starting to buy in to that
idea because what are you going to do with this child who can’t speak, hear or see? And yes, Anne Sullivan came in and I don’t
think she was called a nanny. I can’t remember what they called her at the
time. But she came in and she began to communicate
with Helen Keller by putting her hand on her throat. She could feel the vibration. And so, here was just one person in this little
girl’s life who believed that she could learn. Who believed that if she just spent some time
with her, she could do great things. And you know what, Helen Keller went on to
do great things. She was one of the most motivational, inspirational
speakers of the last century. Most people know who Helen Keller is but she
wasn’t born that way. She was created to be a champion, right. And so, to understand that the definition
of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting a different
result. And just being a mom who’s been there dealing
with the schools now for the last 14 years plus. I know it’s the same thing over and over again
unless you mom or dad decide to take responsibility into your own hands and believe that your
child can learn because maybe they were just never taught how to follow directions, how
to focus and how to practice self-control. So, I’m going to pass it to you Thomas. You got some notes because we take notes because
if we don’t, we’re going to lose our track of though, right. And so are you. Take notes because there’s going to be so
many gold nuggets in what Thomas says every minute of this presentation. And for those of you that have not met Thomas
or have not worked with him. He actually owned and operated a martial arts
school, a day care, all day summer camp and after-school program. He had thousands of children sent to his school. Most of them when they were being kicked out
of traditional day cares and he had to figure out something that would actually work because
he couldn’t send them anywhere. He was their last hope. And what he teaches matches everything that
I’ve learned in personal development over the last 25 years. If you’re a Christian or you have some sort
of spiritual faith, it follows everything being taught in our spiritual books as well. So, if it worked for all those kids, it worked
for me, it works for our clients, it can work for you too. So, Thomas, take it away. Well, this is exciting you know. When you think about it, when you get that
dreaded phone call from the school and how many of us know the ratio of like maybe 10
to 1. 10, we have a situation here versus oh my
gosh, your child was amazing today. It’s really almost like 10 to 1. Maybe like slim and none on the positive side. So, when we really think about getting ourselves
prepared for that. What we’ve seen or what the research has shown
and what it teaches us is that at the end of the day, so many times our kids are getting
into a position now where parents when they come to us, they’re like, you know, I think
we’ve done everything that we know how to do. It’s not a matter as if the moms and dads
that they have a good heart. They’re going, going, going but when they
get that call, they’re like, well we want to run some tests. So, we would like to maybe see what’s wrong. And they already start off with a negative
idea like there’s something wrong or missing or what’s happening here? And so, you really have the ability to get
yourself in a position to start to think. Well, what are my real options here? Because at the end of the day parents are
thinking, gosh you know, I’ve been doing this medication thing but it just doesn’t feel
right. Like there’s something inside. Or better yet, I don’t want to medicate them,
there’s got to be something else we can do. And so many times those phone calls lead down
that route where they’re going to get some testing. They’re going to be looking at maybe they
need some extra help and yes, the school has these things that they’re going in to but
it seems like if a parent starts to think, well, and they hang out with us and they understand
that it’s just a missing life skill that maybe they’re missing. You know, there’s something missing here that
they haven’t learned yet. And so, the parent can look at it this way,
I either gotta teach my kid a skill or I gotta give them a pill. At the end of the day when it’s all said and
done, you’re going to find yourself in that position. What do you choose to do? Just ignore the whole situation or know that
you gotta step up and teach them something they haven’t learned yet. Or better yet, give them a pill. Because one thing that Creating Champions
for Life believes is that if you’re going to bring a child to an environment like say
school at kindergarten and your child had zero training of playing a game called Simon
says. How many of us remember that game, right? Simon says raise your hands. Simon says put your hands down. Put your hands up. Oh, I’m out. Simon didn’t say. And so, many of these phone calls are all
going to come down to the teacher said and the child didn’t follow the game. So, therefore there’s got to be something
wrong. They’re out of the game. And in order to be in the game they gotta
know how to follow the leader. Understand how to follow directions. And without that training, especially being
able to sit still. Could you imagine having no training on how
to sit still your whole entire life and now you’re in a new environment and they expect
you to sit anywhere from one to several hours at a time and because you don’t do it there’s
got to be something wrong? Maybe it’s just the child goes, I gotta learn
a skill or I gotta take that pill. If we had to decide, if there were a part
of you that would be like, oh my gosh, maybe there’s something I could teach them. Maybe there’s something I could learn that
I could teach them. Or better yet the child goes, you know, if
it is to be, it’s up to me. I’m here to learn and I know the learning
curve goes as this. I’ll never do anything right the first time. Was it walking, riding a bike? I’ll never get it right the first time. It’s that perseverance of overcoming the can’ts
to the cans that really helps me develop my ability to learn. You see, if you ever would like to be part
of the equation where you can create a learning disability, you can easily do that by doing
everything for our children. You see, when you start to look at the animal
kingdom which is where we belong. Every animal that produces offspring follows
this natural law which means we do everything for our offspring AKA our children, the very
first time. With the complete understanding that they’re
going to be able to learn how to do it 100% all on their own. And there’s going to be a gestation time where
we’re starting to pass the responsibility baton to them. We do it for them so they can do a little
bit more each time in the shortest, quickest, fastest way for them to never need us anymore. That’s the natural law in the animal kingdom. And when we’re violating that you can understand
why all of these things are starting to pop up. Because when we get ourselves back in tune
with knowing our role as a parent. It’s to teach them those missing life skills. Don’t ask for an easier life. Ask for the missing life skills to move more
elegantly through life. As Bonnie alluded earlier, you’re not going
to be there for their whole life. They’re not designed to be with you forever. The idea is to show them the shortest, quickest,
fastest way so they can do, be and have everything that’s their goals, wants, needs and desires. And they don’t need you anymore. But when you begin to see that Creating Champions
for Life believes and when you believe that you are their adviser. You’re their go to Google. I have this idea that I want to become this. And they type it in. They say, mom, I want to do this. I want a cookie. I would love for you to have a cookie. They’re looking to you to find out, how does
the cookie enter in this whole big scheme of things because when I ask 5 minutes before
dinner and you say no, how do I know that? Show me how I can have the cookie. So, many times our children are stumped because
we punish them. You can stump a natural growth to this cycle
by punishing. Where, where we can start to guide them and
show them how they can do these so-called misbehaviors. Yelling, where can the child yell in school? Well, that’s called recess. Why would we ever have to say no to them? Show them where they can. And when we get back into that natural law,
things start to clip right back into place. Yeah. Okay that’s awesome. So, I want to share this scenario with you
because this is what we’ve been taught to do. So, I want to make sure you understand there’s
no judgement form us here. We don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. We love you. We’re here to help and support you. But somehow we’ve been taught that we own
our children or we’re completely responsible for everything they do, say, be, wear. And so, I want you to imagine this. Thomas and I come to your house and you’re
learning Creating Champions for Life. You’re learning speak kid and you’re trying
to implement this. And every single time you went to say something
or touch something we were like, nope, we don’t do that. No, that’s not right. Nope, you’re in a time out. I’m taking this away. Okay, because we want you to fit into a box
that we created right. We’re right, you’re wrong, we know how to
do this. You don’t. So, just listen to exactly what I’m telling
you. No understand or anything like that. And if every time you reached out to do something
or touch something or be something and we said no. Would you shut down? Would you become upset, anxious, depressed? Would you become angry? Start kicking your way out of the box, screaming,
punching or whatever? So, when our children are misbehaving, whatever
that is. Whoever’s definition that is at school or
at home even. When our child is misbehaving and we put them
in detention or we suspend them or we somehow put a label on them that they’re not in this
perfect little box that you think that they should be in and they start thinking, my brain’s
broken. Because every time they go to do something
they get in trouble. Or every time they reach out or they stand
up in class, they don’t know how to sit down at a desk. They really don’t know unless you’ve actually
taken time to practice with them. So, I wanted to give you that scenario so
you could, from a mental and spiritual position, put yourself in your child’s shoes, to understand
what they’re beginning to feel like as society, the teachers and even us are placing them
into what we think they should be. And getting them to act the way we think they
should act. You’d be a lot more better off, wouldn’t you
if we directed you on what you should do like Tom was just saying. So, when a child does something negative and
we talked about it in the beginning, two wrongs don’t make a right. We know this. But when a child does something, we don’t
like we call it defiant, disruptive behavior. The child does something we don’t like, it’s
a negative vibration every single time because we come in as an angry parent or an angry
teacher, we’re adding on more negative energy even if it’s just a lecture. Even if it’s just like, a communication of
talking. We don’t really understand what you’re saying,
right? But when we come in with negative energy,
we’re going to equal more negative results; anger, a child label, depression, anxiety,
no harmony in the home, lots of arguing and fighting, no harmony at school, bullying,
being a victim. These all lie on the negative side of the
spectrum. So, if you want to switch over to healthy,
happy, co-operative kids, we must do something different. We must create a proactive plan and begin
to teach these life skills by showing and by practicing at home. In fact, one of our clients earlier today
said that she took her 2-year-old to the dentist, they had practiced at home for an entire month
how to sit in the dentist chair with your mouth open, what they’re going to do, they’re
going to be poking around in there. And the dentist was amazed at this 2-year-old’s
co-operative behavior but it was because mom had a proactive plan and mom totally explained
to her child, showed him with action what it was going to look like at the dentist’s
office and they’re able to learn as long as we’re willing to teach them versus punishing
them. We’re going to put on an educational lens
versus a behavioral lens and everything will begin to change for you. Tom: You know, one of our principles is number
ten which is complaining. And a lot of the times that’s what a cry is,
it’s a complaint, right. And in this particular case you got this two-year-old
that when it really comes down to it, the complaint is rooted from the negative side
of the equation is, they don’t know how to do it. Like, how many as 2-year-olds know like we’re
born with dentistry, proper procedures 101. We just don’t know how or there’s this thing
that’s called fear of the unknown and we don’t want to do what we think is going to be happening,
right. So, there’s a complaint but if you look on
the positive side, it’s the same message, higher vibration. It usually comes down to education and motivation. Don’t know how, don’t want to or educate or
motivate. Whatever your current mindset sees the world,
this is gonna resonate with you. So, if it’s education, Creating Champions
for Life says we’ve got three ways to do it. You gotta go to the dentist. You can either ignore it and forget it and
never go, that’s one. Or you can go there with not having a clue
or you can prepare and be ready for when it shows up. I mean, what else really is there? Where’s the three? What’s best for me? And in this particular case it was the education. The education is okay. They’re going to ask you to do this, you’re
going to hear this, this is going to be the sound, you’re going to do this. So, now it’s already then pre-planned and
worked out. There’s nothing to fear because you already
know. It’s the exact same experience. Which one has the higher vibration? And see, the power has always been in our
hands but for somewhere, we kinda lost our way. We may not know but if we can give ourselves
permission to give ourselves the understanding of, maybe I don’t know that I don’t know. That’s part of the first stage of learning
anything. None of us know what a Caterpillar is until
you see one, didn’t know. And so, here we are as we begin to think by
asking ourselves questions rather than just being told. Thinking is how we stimulate and learn how
to think. We actually ask questions rather than just
someone dictating. Well, what do you think it is? Right, it’s a muscle, it takes action. You gotta put it in there. So, if we ask ourselves, who is older? Us or our children? Now, I know this is very rhetorical and I
thank you for working with me but you know we’re going somewhere with it. And by you thinking, who’s older? I am. Right. And who decided to have kids? We did? Exactly. So, who would we say is the leader? I know they think, I am. Okay, good. Now we’re almost done. There’s a universal principle called cause
and effect. Every effect has a cause, every cause has
an effect. If you understand that on any level then you
would ask yourself, who is the cause? And I know it might be a little incriminating
at first. I got caught with some spinach in my teeth
it might be a little awkward however, I’m the cause and maybe the child’s behavior is
an effect to what I’m bringing to the table. Now, this magical ha-ha moment might put you
back in the driver’s seat so you can actually understand that if I look at the child doing
something that I don’t like AKA jumping up and down on my brand-new couch. I agree 100%, that’s not what it’s designed
for. You’re 100% right in thinking that but what
did you see through your lens, your perspective? Did you see the child doing something you
don’t like? Positive or negative? We know it’s negative or are you authentically
seeing the child’s goal? And a goal by definition is something you
want, something you need and maybe your heart desires. They love to jump, they’re learning how this
body works and oh boy, I’m learning how to jump. And if we could see it as a goal, they feel
positive. We now authentically as the leadership, we
can show follow the leader. We can show them where they can jump. You see, you never said yes or no, like yes,
you can jump here or no, that’s bad. You showed them where they can. Now, this is powerful. If we can just take the moment to see that
and guide them, which stimulates their growth versus punish which destroys their growth. Look at the power we have. That. When you start to see that and you’re just
missing the life skills or these principles to learn that we can share with you. The world is exactly where you would love
it to be every single time if you’re willing to work because it will be work. It’s simple but it may not be easy and that’s
the truth. Definitely. This is going to take some work when you wrap
your head around what we’re saying because this could be the first time, or even if it’s
the third time that you’ve ever heard this before it’s still new to you. It takes a lot of repetition in order to really
get this and see what we’re talking about but I want to reiterate that you or your child,
you are not a victim to circumstance here. You’re the parent. You have some power. And when the teachers start calling you at
home and you’re beginning to now learn Creating Champions for Life, you can go in there and
instead of doing the testing like, hey we wanna test your child. Yeah, they don’t know how to focus and they’re
lacking self-control, that child is going to be diagnosed with ADHD. But if you can go in there with your teacher
and you can hold your head up high and you’re confident and you’re learning some new skills
now and you understand you need to do some self-control training at home and whatnot. You could put together a 90-day plan and ask
for a 90-day window to allow you to work with your child to begin to practice focus, practice
self-control, practice respect, practice following directions in this more guiding behavior versus
punishment to give your child an authentic chance for success at school. Once you make the shift and your child’s eyes
wake up and they have a new zest for life and a reason why to go to school which is
like Tom was talking about, what is their reward? What is it they’re working towards mom, dad? We know you want them to go to school because
you want your child to do well right? We know that you want your child to go to
school but your 6, 7, 8, 13-year-old has no idea the benefits of going to school. This is something that they have been forced
to do since they went to kindergarten. It’s something we do, why? Have you ever thought about that before? Why do we send our kids to school? Do you have an answer besides this is just
what everybody does? What’s your answer? What’s your child’s answer? What is it that they’re working towards? What is it that the child is doing in the
classroom that the teacher is calling you for? Write that answer down. What is your child doing in class that your
teacher finds disruptive? When you write that down then what is the
corresponding life skill to practice at home for that child so that he can go to school
knowing what’s expected? Because I promise you, that 10-year-old, 7-year-old
or whatever does not say, I’m going to go to school and get in trouble today. They’re just living their life kind of oblivious
to the adult way of thinking. They don’t get it so, we need to make them
get it through actions, not through talking. Because a child who’s 6 or 7 cannot see the
world in the same way that you do as an adult. They have not had the experience yet. They have no idea that a child that quits
school and doesn’t learn any of these life skills is going to end up on the streets. They don’t know that. You know that. So, we’re working with today but my point
is, we are not a victim to circumstance. We have personal power as parents and as long
as you go in there with a proactive plan, your teacher and the school will actually
work with you versus against you. You know, some of you, I’ve had people ask,
what does your shirt say? And see, the shirt is actually representing
a mindset. I loved how Einstein brought to the world
this idea for us to understand is that our mindset, it could be our beliefs, it’s the
way you see the things. But our mindset that creates this problem,
call it what you want, it’s something that’s not working right. The mindset that creates this problem is the
same mindset that can’t fix it. And it took me a little while to wrap my head
around that. So, the same mindset that creates it, can’t
fix it. That’s why the second part makes so much sense
because if you could, why would you create it in the first place? Pretty powerful. So, we have our own mindset that got us here. We saw it as something the child’s doing wrong
when really, they’re just following their heart. They don’t know how the world works yet. But that’s negative and then we’re telling
them no, don’t, can’t, won’t, that’s not something you do. We’re taking their dream and we’re kinda raining
on their parade. They feel negative. That environment will always create something
negative. And then on top of it if we start to buy into
this belief that there’s something wrong with the kid and we’re going to blame him, then
we go around and around. But when we switch it around and have that
child’s goal, oh my gosh they feel excited, there’s positive energy there. And then they look to us to show them how
it works and where can they do it? This is key. Where can they do it? Positive. That shifts everything around. And so, now when you’re inside the school
what I found, and it might have just happened by accident because once again, when I was
working with these kids, I never thought of a parenting program. They were bringing their kids to me going,
can you fix this guy? I’m like, yeah, it’s going to take some work
but we can definitely make it happen. And so, when they would come in they were
in the after-school program so we picked them up from school and what that did is it gave
me access to walk in and say, hi Mrs. Jones, I’m Timmy’s martial arts instructor, you’re
his teacher and we started to have a relationship; so, how is he doing in the classroom? I communicated with the teacher. This is all proactive. So, I had the parent. I had the teacher and then they spent anywhere
between 3 to 10 hours with me every day depending on if it was summer or after school. And see, when we put those three, there’s
a power of three. You put three elements together, fire shows
up. Two hydrogen, one oxygen, you got water. When you had home, school and an after-school
program that develops, that’s when the magic started happening. So, I knew that there were things they wanted
to do in the classroom. That was their goal. I would love for you to able to play this
game or do this in the classroom and I had a parent approved plan. It was, how well are you doing in school? Well, uh… uh. And so, what we ended up doing is having a
form that our parents could do when they had these issues is that you could take this sheet,
the child takes it to the classroom and it had something real simple on it; attendance. On time and were they at the classroom, just
a simple initial from the teacher. Was their assignment turned in. Anything missing? Pretty simple. And how well did they play the Simon Says
game during class? How well did they operate with everyone else? Better known co-operate. Co is a prefix for with. How well did they do? 1, they did something. It could be completely negative, they were
whatever it is, that would be a 1. If they did something in the middle, kinda
like, well, there really wasn’t nothing negative, nothing outstanding, they did okay. Or they were like, good attitude, yes ma’am,
you know what, getting right on it. They had their homework out first before the
teacher even asked and it allowed them to be recognized. Because whatever is recognized and rewarded
is always repeated. Whatever we recognize and is rewarded will
always be repeated. So, if they give us negative and we reward
them just to shut them up but we wonder why they keep doing it, because it works. That’s what a cry is, that’s what a temper
tantrum is. It’s recognized and then it’s rewarded. Well, that’s why it’s repeated. Well, what if we recognized what we caught
them doing right? Same energy, same amount of time, energy and
effort but it has a higher vibration when if you recognize and you reward it, it would
be repeated. This is what’s so powerful. It’s always been in our hands and parents
who follow this see that this form that the child sends comes back home could be the stepping
stone for whatever they wanted to do. Because how well they did within the classroom
could be that favorite TV show that they like to watch at night, go to their friend’s house. It’s all about their goals, how can they? They’re looking to you for that authentic
leadership. How do you make that TV-show show up? That’s when we can show them how we do it,
then the real game of follow the leader could follow right into place and boy, we’re just
getting started on all the options that you can do to be on the positive spectrum. Awesome. Yeah so, you can go to the school and say,
hey you know what, I’m learning a new thing here. I’m finding that I’m motivating my child. I’m practicing these skills with him at home. We need a 90-day window before we do any kind
of testing or anything like that. We need a 90-day window for this to work. Then you create your form like Tom said, for
every classroom; bare minimum, average, outstanding. Did the child… was he disruptive in classroom? What does that mean? So, now you can show your child at home during
practice time, what it looks like to be disruptive and what corresponding reward are they going
to get. SO, we always used to say that when the kids
came home from school, it was the school signature form that unlocked the Pandora box for privileges
in the home. And just let me tell you this, my son was
15 when we implemented this. And I remember him… he didn’t wanna do his
homework, something like that and so, we just let him not do his homework and he showed
up for dinner and we had drawn out bare minimum, average or outstanding, what dinner would
look like. We owe our kids food but we don’t owe them
a three-course dinner, right? And so, we had juice or chocolate milk or
something fun like that. We had the spaghetti, the meatballs and the
sauce and the salad and the garlic bread. Well, when he showed up bare minimum, he got
spaghetti and sauce, probably a meatball or something but he didn’t get the garlic bread,
that’s my point. And it’s like, I would love for you to have
garlic bread. What needs to be done at school to unlock
the Pandora’s box and what you really, really want which is garlic toast to go with it. Oh, he was so mad. He had this huge screaming like a 2-year-old
toddler temper tantrum because he wanted the garlic bread but we just showed him how he
could make it show up and then the next day he did all of his school work and just little
things like this. The privileges of Pandora’s box when it opens
up because they do what you’re asking them to do at school changes everything. Kyra was 13, she was a straight C average
student, she did not believe in herself. We set the bare minimum, average, outstanding. Outstanding is getting A s in your class. She’s like, I can’t get As. I can only get Cs. And so, we maintained our integrity that you
can get Cs or you can get your homework done every day, pay attention, whatever. And she ended up graduating from high school
on the honor roll. And now she excels at everything in her life. It has become ingrained in her. It has become habitual for her to excel in
everything in her life. My 21-year-old son Jacob with the garlic bread,
he is 21, working full-time at Costco. He’s actually getting a supervisor’s position
which is just a little over $30/hour plus benefits at the age of 21. You don’t want to know where I was at the
age of 21 but it definitely wasn’t supervising a big store like Costco. Jenny just turned 18. She went out the other day and got her own
cell phone with her own money in her own name. She’s working a full-time job. I mean, I’m telling you what, this stuff works. It will change your life. It’ll change your kids’ lives. They will start believing in themselves when
you can believe in them more than the disruptive behavior. Like we’ve said for the last 45 minutes now. When you can look at them with an educational
lens versus a behavioral lens and you fill in the missing blanks with, this is what we
do to get what’s important to you. Your child will now have a why. Napoleon Hill wrote Think and Grow Rich. He also wrote The Laws of Success 100 years
ago. And we were listening to an audio the other
day and I was like, Tom, the answer is right there. He says, “no one has the right to ask anything
of anyone without sufficient motive.” Do you know that they cannot send somebody
to prison for murder or even second-degree murder even if they know they did it without
a motive? If there is no motive, there is no case you
guys. We get up, we study because we have a motive. You and I get up, we go to work, we have a
motive for a paycheck so we could buy groceries and pay our bills and keep a roof over our
head. What is your child’s motive for going to school
and sitting in a classroom and following rules besides you told them so, so they need to
be in your box and be exactly what you and the teachers say that they should be? What is their motive for getting up and going
to school and excelling in their school? These are the things that we must begin to
think about. This is the way to successful, happy, healthy,
co-operative kids and yeah, a proactive plan. Beginning to think, oh, my child’s disruptive
in class. Better do some self-control training at home. This is what it’s like to sit in a classroom
at your desk and pay attention if you wanna open up all the video game time after you
get home. You wanna open up all the TV time. If you wanna have your freedom at age 15,
16. Guess what, you better be getting As and Bs
in your classroom, showing up, good attendance and doing what we can control. We can’t control what we’ve grasped in school
all the 7 years before but we can control what we think about and what we plan moving
forward. We can take responsibility for our own lives
and the lives of our children and we can make the difference. There’s not one teacher, not one therapist,
not one councilor that loves and cares for your child’s success more than you do. And that’s why we step up and become mother,
father, infantry and we champion for our kids with 100% belief that yes, they can learn
if we take the time to number one, motivate them and number two, teach them. And so, here it was. This is the mindset that Bonnie was talking
about. I’m not just any dad. Or, I’m not just any mom. I’m a Creating Champions for Life mom. Right. I’m a Creating Champions for Life mom or dad. And when you have that particular idea that
yes, you know what, I’m here to show you how this world works. Of course, you don’t know how it works. How can I condemn you on any level when I
never took time to teach you how to make what’s important happen for you? So powerful. And so, when you can make anything a game
for these kids, I have literally seen with every single case study with every single
child 100% of the time that there was always an improvement. That when you had a child who felt like well,
they’re not engaging, right. And it was a simple fact of, well, are people
telling them what to do or are they asking them questions how they think it can happen? You know, there was a question here is like,
what specific CCFL focus exercise for a 7 1/2-year-old? Age is irrelevant. I’d love to have impulse control. Okay well, impulse comes from the ability
that is, I am in control of my body and my actions. I know that I’m going to have lots of impulses. That means your brain’s working. Yes. They’re there. These impulses are going to be positive thoughts,
negative thoughts or just some thoughts that I probably don’t give a time to. And if I can pick those, yeah, you can. When kids called you names the focus is, what
are you choosing to see little Timmy? Like, one of the best things is, what kind
of day are you choosing to have? See, we send them off going, okay, have a
nice day. Yeah. Right. You see how that’s dictation. We’re not even letting them think. What kind of day do you like to have? And whichever one they choose can actually
happen. So much power. Okay, awesome. Awesome. Okay, we’re coming to the end. It’s 6:47. We thought we would be done at 6:45. You guys, just to summarize everything that
we talked about here. Your child was born with zero life skills. They don’t know the expectations of their
teacher in kindergarten, grade 1, grade 2. And if all we’ve done is take things away
and punish them and tell them that they’re wrong, they still have no idea what’s expected. They don’t hate you; they begin to hate themselves. They begin to not believe in themselves. So, the formula that I’ve always learned in
business was goal, plan, action, perseverance. Put it in writing, focus on it every day. So, when tom presented goal, plan, action,
perseverance to me 8 years ago I was like, what!? We can parent that way? Oh my gosh, this was so cool. Create a proactive plan. Make a plan with your child that everything
that they do in school either opens or closes Pandora box of privileges at home and begin
practicing those life skills. You might not think they need to but they
need to be shown how to sit in a chair properly to get the most reward that’s important to
them. This was really powerful but usually what
happens is we hear an idea and then our mind goes to think on that idea and then we miss
the next point. So, I would repeat this a couple of times. We can’t share anything else because you’re
going to be like that horse with a hose in their face going, whoa, like you threw so
much stuff at me. So, I’m like Tom, Tom, that’s enough. We gotta close this up. But there is a way. Where there’s a will there is a way to help
your child be successful at home, at school and beyond. If you’re just getting to know us now, make
sure to go to learntospeakkid.com, download and read Raising Healthy, Happy, Co-Operative
Kids you guys. It’s been described as the most real, relevant
and powerful information for parents to exist. It’s going to show you the pathway to all
child mental health and behavioral disorders and then it’s going to show you the pathway
to healthy, happy, co-operative kids. It’s completely up to you. If you have any questions or comments please
post them in the comments section below. We are here to serve you. We are here to help you get to the other side,
the positive side, the light side of parenting. Thanks so much for being here live and we’ll
see you next week. I’ll post in the events what day and time
for sure, for sure. Okay. Bye-bye.

About James Carlton

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1 thought on “ADHD & ODD: Getting Calls from School

  1. I’ve got a four-year-old who has been ODD since he was about two years old! Just tonight he went off on me for no reason right before bed and I couldn’t get them to stop I’ll try to get my wife to intervene as we are kind a new to ODD and dealing with it but to be honest it’s all but about ruined my family life I’m at my wits end me and my wife don’t barely get along anymore and my other children lock themselves in their bedroom pretty much 24 seven to avoid their little brother. I don’t wish this on anybodyAnd until people really have better had to deal with it they just don’t know how hard it can be

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