11 Old-School Etiquette Rules UNFAIRLY Considered Offensive! (Ignore The Haters)
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11 Old-School Etiquette Rules UNFAIRLY Considered Offensive! (Ignore The Haters)


11 Old-School Etiquette Rules UNFAIRLY Considered
Offensive! [0:00:00]
Now, some people may consider these old-school rules to be outdated, unfair, even sexist.
Me, I say to hell with the haters. These old-school etiquette rules are needed in today’s day
and age and are still relevant. Starting things off, let’s talk about the
old-school rule of helping a woman to be seated. Now, this rule also applies to children, it
applies to anyone that needs assistance. And I think that’s the key to this rule – anyone
that needs assistance. And, let’s look at the history why women why
are they singled out? Because it used to be especially during the Victorian era, women
actually had difficulty getting around because their clothing was difficult. Not only to
put on to take off, but it was also difficult simply to move around in and around space.
So, a gentleman would always understand that a woman’s clothing, hey, she’s dressing in
a certain way, he would help her to be seated. Now, in today’s day and age, is it practical?
Does a woman need our help to be seated? Of course not. But, why do I still advocate that
a gentleman should help a woman to be seated? For me, it’s a sign of respect. All of us
have mothers. All of us have had women who have sacrificed to help us achieve greatness
in life. I think about my mom working three jobs. I
think about my aunt working two jobs and allowing me to live with her while I was growing up.
I think about my sisters. I think about my wife. I think about my daughters. Setting
the example of how human beings should treat other human beings. And, guys, that’s what
it’s about, it’s simply treating other human beings with respect.
Next up, we’ve got opening doors. Same line of thought here. It’s about showing respect.
So, I think that a man should open doors for women. I think a man should open doors for
other men, for children, for anyone that needs assistance, especially for someone that needs
assistance. When you see someone and they’re maybe a little
bit out of the way they’re ahead of you, but they’ve got their arms full. Be the guy that
goes out of his way to assist. Look out for your fellow human beings. And that’s really
all opening doors whether it be into a building whether it be into a car, just simply do it
out of respect for your fellow human beings. Next up, let’s talk about being honest. Having
the courage to give your honest opinion even when it’s not politically correct. Now, a
lot of people are going to say let’s not ruffle feathers. Let’s not start a fight. Let’s not
offend anyone. And, yeah, you shouldn’t maybe necessarily talk about religion or politics,
that can lead to pretty bad fights. But, if you understand the art of conversation
and you can bring things back. You can dial them down you can dial them up, what you can
have are great conversations. You know social media isn’t the place for conversation. I
think a lot of people they try to have their conversations there and they find that, oh,
people get all riled up, people don’t listen. Of course, they don’t because it’s anonymous
people talking to anonymous people behind their computer screens.
But, when you’re face-to-face at these holiday parties, when you’re engaging with someone
and you’re having a heart-to-heart conversation, what can happen here is it actually you can
get people to think. You can start to think about something and that’s the key is you’ve
got to understand the art of conversation. Being able to punch, to jab, to defend. To
be able to go and be open to what this person has to say and to be able to repeat back to
them and understand their point of view. We do this by being honest, not by hiding behind,
yeah, not wanting to offend. Next up, let’s talk about giving up your seat.
Should a man always give up a seat for a woman? I’m a little bit old-school, I think the answer
is mostly yes, but it depends on the situation. I think men though should be aware of what’s
going on around them and say, hey, you know those kids over there are about to fall over,
I should give up my seat to them. That woman over there could be pregnant, I
should give up my seat to her. That older guy that can barely stand, I should give up
my seat to him. That younger guy that maybe looks like he just had surgery came in on
a walker, I should give up my seat to him. Look around, be observant.
Now, of course, if she’s on the other side of the car, she just came in, you — if you
try to give up your seat on the other side, by the time you let her know and get her over
there, someone’s already going to have taken that seat. So, you got to be aware you got
to be practical. But, I do believe that when men show by example,
we get up and we give our seats up, other men notice this. And this is what it does,
it creates a society in which people are nicer to each other. We lead by example, other people
see it and we change society by first improving and changing ourselves.
Next up, let’s talk about paying for the meal. When a man takes a woman out, should he pay
for the date? My answer is yes. You should pay for the date. A little bit old school,
but here’s the thing is that 80% of women still believe and still use this as a test
to determine if they’re going to go out again with the guy. So, guys, just go ahead, suck
it up that first one. Now do you need to pay the second, third,
fourth, fifth? Well, you could make a judgment call there. Maybe there you want to go Dutch
or maybe it can be like, hey, I will pay for the first date and you pay the second one.
Again, kind of encouraging to go out with her again.
The point is is this is something that, yes, does not logically made — make sense, but
most women are looking at it from, yeah, he should pay for the first date, if he wants
to go out with me again. Again, maybe not fair, but that’s just the way it is.
Now, what about when you’re out with the guys where you got a few families that are together
having a big meal, they give you one check? Well, in this case, ask for the check to be
split or may be look around. If you’re aware that the family you’re with, they’re,
you know, they came out because you invited them, understand that you should probably
foot the bill for this instance. [0:04:58]
If you understand that there’s other people here that they’re going to have trouble paying
the bill. Maybe someone just lost their job, maybe throw a little bit in extra and just
say, hey, no, don’t worry about it, man. You’ll get me next time.
I love it when a man can be generous and that’s what I’m always looking for in friends, people
that give, not necessarily money, but people that give of themselves they give of their
time. Now, I’m not talking about having a whole
bunch of mooches around you that are going to you know take advantage of you, but I am
saying once especially if it’s a one-time get-together, don’t be afraid to actually
take care of it. Next up on this list, asking your girlfriend’s
father for her hand in marriage. Basically, you’re asking permission from your future
in-laws to join the family. And that’s what I view that some people say, oh, it’s sexist
that basically it’s like he is selling her. No, it’s not like that.
For me, it’s simply insurance because I’m going to be stuck with these people. I’m going
to be seeing them at holidays. I’m probably going to stay with them, you know things get
really bad, we may go live with them. Point being is I want these people on my side.
And you genuinely should care for them, get to know them and want to share this big moment,
so they can be part of it. And that’s the thing is it’s just simply about bringing them
in and about building the relationship. Next up, let’s talk about parties with dress
codes. You may read that some people say, yeah, don’t ever throw a party with a dress
code because you don’t want to put someone in an uncomfortable situation if they don’t
have the clothing, they don’t own it. Here’s the thing is by having a dress code,
you’re very clear you actually make it easier for people to know what to wear to the party
especially when it’s a nicer party. In addition, you set the ambience. And, guys, guys can
go out and they can rent clothing. They can borrow from friends. Women, they borrow dresses
all the time. The point is when you have a dress code, you set a mood. And there’s nothing
wrong with having a party with a dress code. Saying a prayer before a meal. Now, you may
be atheist, but if you’re somebody’s guest, if this person is paying the bill, if this
person has invited you to the party, then, yeah, you can actually go through it. Maybe,
you don’t have to, you know, pray – pray, do whatever you want to do meditate. But the
point being is whoever is hosting this, if they want to give a prayer, that’s all on
them. Now, if you were invited and you find that
people here are not very spiritual, they’re not very religious, you don’t want to stop
everything and say, hey, I need to give a prayer. I need to bless this food. That’s
going a little bit beyond. You could may be speak with the hostess or host about it and
see if they would be open to something like that. Point being is you respect the person
that is hosting that party that has put this together.
Bringing the hostess a gift. Now, some people say, oh, what a suck-up. Oh, that’s not necessary.
I think it is necessary. When you’re visiting someone’s home for the first time, find out
you know, okay, do they drink alcohol, maybe bring them a really nice bottle of whiskey.
Bring a wine, put a nice bow on it. And if they’re not into that, then find something
else. Bring flowers. Maybe she’s really into olive oils, maybe there’s something you can
bring from your area. I live in Wisconsin. We’ve got, you know,
really good maple syrup. You find something that you can bring and present to the home
when you’re visiting. This is a small gesture, but an important gesture I think a lot of
people look over and they forget that actually it’s I think it’s pretty important.
Next up, we’ve got walking a woman home, walking her to the bus stop to make sure she gets
on safely, driving her home going out of your way to make sure that she gets to her home
safely. Here’s the thing is, yes, I know that men get attacked, but women get attacked a
lot more. Make sure that you look out for other people especially for the ladies in
your life. The next old-school etiquette rule you need
to follow, don’t interrupt conversations. And guess what? You’re interrupting your
own conversations whenever you’re talking with someone and you feel that phone buzz,
what do you do? You reach in, you pull it out, you check that text message. Guys, stop
it. How to do this? I’ve got you covered in this
video right here. I talk about being addicted to phones, all the issues didn’t we face with
these devices and how to navigate the modern manners men need to know when it comes to
phone etiquette. Check out this video right here. I’ll also link to it down in the description.
[0:08:39] End of audio

About James Carlton

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100 thoughts on “11 Old-School Etiquette Rules UNFAIRLY Considered Offensive! (Ignore The Haters)

  1. In today's video, I give you 11 Old-School rules that are considered offensive.
    https://youtu.be/nLrKoqHCStU?list=PLbAUemeg-Kydxbx6Oi1Lj7fbygO_J5enz – Click here to watch a Modern Guide To Phone Etiquette

    What have I missed? Let me know in the comments!

  2. A man without etiquette isn't from middle ages. He's from prehistory. Its sad that modern people, self proclaimed 'progressives' in fact regress to neanderthals.

  3. I think the key here is not that you shouldn't do these things at all. The key is, like you said, do them for anyone because you're being kind and not only for women because you see them as weaker or NEEDING some kind of assistance. The mindset is the difference

  4. I'm Canadian and went to Texas in August. I will say, I made a great friend and that's because southern hospitality is a real thing. Some of what you said holds true down there.

  5. Don't really need the help sitting, but a hand on the back of the chair or waiting for the woman to sit first, that's more adaptive, I think. Also, standing when a woman gets up from a table. Major brownie points there.

  6. Yes. Finally someone laid it out there! We are trying to be too politically correct these days. Thanks Antonio! You have hit the ball out of the park with this one. Happy holidays to you and your team!

  7. Interesting all of these or most of these etiquettes are part of my culture and been following for years without giving much though some of them are considered religious as well.

  8. I'm 62 and no longer go out of my way to open doors for women under the age of 50. If it's convenient for me then I will make the effort but too many women expect it without appreciating it. That's the key: female entitlement and feminism have made 'chivalry' irrelevant today so I reserve my gentlemanly behavior for friends and those truly in need. two cents
    Overall, another good video.

  9. Whoa, I disagree with most of these(when it's women specific). It just seems very old fashioned(not in a good way) to me and traditional(in terms of reinforcing old fashioned gender roles). I prefer the modern view when it comes to stuff like that and I feel like if I follow these I'd give the wrong impression(especially considering I don't find women with traditional views attractive). To each their own, I guess.

  10. Receiving help from strong men on a normal daily basis gives people confidence in our country. Thanks to all the strong men in my life. Thanks for these nice buildings with electric water and sewer and the beautiful yards and the clothes and cars!

  11. The woman that think these are sexist or offensive should not wonder why there single, cant keep a bf or only get douchebags.

  12. You can't say to hell with the haters. Have you ever worked in company with a mad feminazi hr? You have to follow these new rules if you have a 9-5

  13. When I wore a younger mans clothes, I once had a meeting with a young lady. It was not a date per se I didn’t know if I should have paid (young and inexperienced), she expected me to pay. From that day the rule for me is if I invite you somewhere I pay the bill.

  14. about 10 years ago on the tube, there were 16 women seated and no men. No woman got up for a pregnant lady. ive open doors and given way without thanks or acknowledgement. it makes me more likely to bodycheck the next person

  15. Absolutely. I agree with you and especially if you want to build a relationship with the host, boss, girlfriend or friend etc…

    I forgot about gifts. I seem to be plane Jane with a thank you card and gift cards. I like the local maple syrup idea, it’s personalized

  16. "Old-School" does not me "outmoded" or antiquated; and your explanations and personal stories frame each of your rules contextualize and frame with a modern touch Chivalric and / or Victorian Era "rules". And, in highlighting the continued relevance of the "rules" that you have chosen, you hit on the concepts and actions that are the foundation for each said rule and are often overlooked by many men (women / other orientation).

    Specifically, you mention "respect" and "honesty". Yes, respect is earned, but in a social context, taking the time to open the door for a group of people whilst on a date conveys patience, thoughtfulness and the ability to put others before yourself (i.e., you care about others); it also illustrates and conveys to anyone paying attention another important point on which you hit, but that deserves its own treatment.

    Honesty, too, is something that is not always pleasant. Yet the honesty of which you speak has been tempered by tact and experience. Every time you verbally communicate an idea or feeling, there is always the risk of offending the person … delivery notwithstanding. However, articulating the truth in a direct but tactful manner conveys respect for the person, shows confidence and allows for issues to be properly addressed or broached in a thoughtful and, more or less, an innocuous way. You could make an entire series on "tact" in the modern world, and it would no doubt be beneficial

    Without running the risk of a serious tangent, you do a great job at discussing engagement and active listening without actually saying those words; very well done. Respect, honest, and tact are three of the most useful and important foundational concepts on which you touch, and as above, I mentioned a fourth: "social awareness". Respect, etc. all complement social awareness but one is not dependent on the other (i.e., disregarding the mood of a group and interjecting a thought that is offensive, irrelevant or antithetical to the topic / mood). Being perceptive / socially aware, internalizing and processing quickly what you are experiencing, and reacting accordingly will never be outmoded; they are skills that go beyond this video and will impress most anyone who recognizes you ability to turn their thought or a social observation into an insightful, well-articulated point or action (i.e., maybe you are on a date, and while you have a reservation, there is a wait and one or zero seats at the bar. Being aware of that, it would be prudent to point that out, see if they are interested in the seat and/ or a drink, and mention that if it is too noisy to talk, suggest a quieter area to which you could move with your drinks should communication become a problem).

    Thank you for you continued high-quality work, Antonio. This is a long message (apparently brevity took the day off), however, highlighting some of the foundational concepts behind this video and the "rules" cannot be understated; and understanding the "why(s)" and the social logic behind each produce a more impactful experience. This video does this without being patronizing or preachy; you build in each without taking away from the focus of the video or any of its constituent segments. Very well done!

    Cheers!

    Jeffrey

  17. I’m 25 but still follow all these old school etiquette! This how I was raised and I’m so proud and happy to not change those etiquette

  18. Great video! Sad that manners such as these are becoming a lost art, but I still do these (at 48) and totally agreed with everything you said.

  19. I say act like a gentleman. If some wacked out propagandized feminist feels offended, that's her problem, not mine. Real ladies will appreciate it and they're the ones that really matter.

  20. I don't think men should pay for dates in general. Reason being I don't think you need to pay for the time with a woman.
    But go with your gut feeling of course. And the amount of formality on a date could also be taken into account.

  21. The world changes, the society changes, so it's normal that some etiquette rules become old or even stupid for the times we're living

  22. Antonio you re Not wrong with what you say in the Video , but the Problem is , the Woman doesnt want or Respect that.
    If youre the Gentleman To them , They lose the Respect for you and Call you a Pussy.
    And Think youre a Loser.
    😢😑☹

  23. Great topic! Being a gentleman never goes out of style and I think chivalry is always the best way. I think women are independent and definitely are respected in all parts of life, but do like to be treated like ladies… especially by guys they are dating. It can be confusing on the roles, but not when men are consistent in helping everyone…men, women and children young and old, we retain credibility. At work, I have worked for men and women who were great bosses. In social situations, I find women like it when I have a plan and pay for dinner. Like you say, it's just how it is.

  24. Awesome video Antonio. I so respect your willingness to be so open with convictions that aren’t all that popular right now.
    Regarding 6:55, if praying before a meal is something that is important to someone and they feel strongly that they should do, I don’t think that the fact that no one else is praying should not keep them from it. Yes, I completely agree that it’s not appropriate to ask a room full of atheists to give you a moment of silence so you can pray, but taking a moment to subtly bow your head and say a silent prayer is something that can be done with tact and class and can be done without making a scene or making yourself look like a super spiritual snob.

  25. It should be noted that giving an honest opinion doesn't mean being crass. Usually when someone says they're "brutally honest", it's just an excuse a**holes use to justify being a**holes

  26. A lot of these rules are about men protecting and caring for women that some modern feminists find offensive, well no one said that a woman can’t walk a man home or open a door for a man or pay the bill when dining out with a man.

  27. I was wonder if there is a female equivalent to this channel that isn’t just people who apply make up? I know a few women who need tips like this in that Southwest.

  28. I've actually had a door slammed in my face because a guy held it open for the pretty woman in front of me and totally blocked me out (I think unintentionally).
    Well said at the start Antonio – it's not sexism, it's about basic human decency. Offer up the seat to the elderly, or even that 25 year old guy who looks like he's been working like a dog since 5am.

  29. You have to ask for the fathers permission to marry someone. You can't just take a man's property without asking him first. Duh.

  30. It's not that women can't do certain things. It's that they shouldn't have to.

    To force more onto the shoulders of those who already provide so much is one of man's greatest failures.

  31. HI Everyone out there and HAPPY HOLIDAYS, I agree with everything on your video but kind a ify on one . Honesty. For me if its one on one at home ,on the phone, on the street just talking I will be straight up with you . At a party or a store around other people I would tone it back . You would know if I have a more to say but iam not looking for an argument if you disagree. The flip side of the coin . Being honest is the right thing to do . But it can get you in a lot of trouble if you say it the wrong way . MERRY CHRISTMAS

  32. Giving your honest opinion: Americans would stand in awe realizing what Europeans understand by honest opinion – as we consider U.S. American society very shallow and superficial. Furthermore the entire movement of political correctness comes from your country corroding the idea of freedom of speech.

    Asking her father for marriage: has nothing to do with gentleman style but is a relic of a deeply religious and misogynist society. I would not marry a girl whose father would expect me to ask him.

    prayer before dinner: has nothing to do with gentlemen but with religion.

    Don't try to fish in Sven Raphael Schneider's pond, you are not up to it.

  33. To me, those offended by etiquette are themselves offensive. A few rules I've followed that I didn't see here: When walking, keep on the side she carries her purse so it can't be readily jostled or stolen. Precede her into a revolving door because your greater weight will start it moving and she won't need to get it moving (although the last few revolving doors I've encountered seem to be started by an electric eye or without human intervention). Follow her on an up escalator so if she loses her balance she won't fall or be injured. Precede her on a down escalator for the same reason. As you said, it is about showing respect, and I think also simple prudence. Of course, if you live in a universe where accidents never happen this shouldn't matter. Also, Antonio, when I think of Wisconsin, I think of Beer and Cheese. Or, maybe, Cheese and Beer. When I think of Vermont I think of maple syrup. And I think more of Wisconsin than I think of Vermont. 😀

  34. Personally, as a lady, I would never date a man who was not a gentleman. To me it shows respect. I don't know any women personally who would date a man who would ever expect a woman to pay for a date. It shows that he is willing to pay for the pleasure of spending time with you. If a woman ever is on a date and wants to pay I can tell you she isn't serious about you. That's her way of not wanting to owe you anything.

  35. What? You pulled out the chair to seat a lady?
    Swinehunt !🧐 Thanks Tony. I’m not giving up on the lesson of curtesy passed on down from my parents.

  36. My dad was raised to stand up whenever the woman of the house was going to sit down. My mother hates it, but understands why my dad does it.

  37. Here's my take: If you want to act like a knight of the round table with your girl, do it. If she really, REALLY has a major problem with you pulling out her chair or opening doors for her…that's probably the wrong girl for you. No biggie. Toss her back in the pond and try again

  38. Hi Antonio. Subscribed today. Great content as always. I agree completely regarding etiquette and manners. On a first date I have will pay for dinner etc. Old fashioned manners will pay off in the end. Merry Christmas from England.

  39. What you espouse is common knowledge to me; if there are men out there who don't know what you speak on indicates a poor up-bringing and common sense. Kudos big dog for teaching those whom claim to be men to be a MAN.😜😝😛

  40. I don't care what other people think, I still help my girlfriend to sit and open the door for her, I always remove my hat/cap if I'm in front of a lady. Manners doesn't make you less of a man.

    Now when you have to express an opinion that may be in conflict with other people's thinking you just have to do it with class and respect, not sounding insulting or belligerent.

  41. I am old school guy, and so loved all suggestions except the dress code for party. Let parties be for fun… why make it formal unless you are hosting heads of state.

  42. “Meeting the father – – – – I want them on my side”

    Got to stop you there, it's not about “insurance” or wanting them on your side. That man made her, paid for classes that partially led to the success she's already experienced, got her ready for school, fed her, likely fought in a war to eliminate threats to the country she calls home and even now, while you are thinking about dating her he's sizing you up to see if you are threat to her. Every child is a man's life work, his masterpiece.
    You show that man respect

    Lastly—- NEVER ask permission to pray. Bow your head and do so silently if you wish. But If that's not enough for them, that's not your problem. Faith is part of you, it's what makes you the man you are. If they don't respect that, then they don't respect you…… Leave.

  43. On paying for first dates. If I asked her out, I pay. If she asked me out, she pays. All the other dates… well… I'm a Dutchman.

  44. I LOVE THIS. This is so needed these days. The real man is a dying breed, especially when it comes to how we treat the ladies in our lives.

  45. The only one I disagree with is the prayer one. It's awkward, and it usually takes me more than an hour to get back to normal. I don't pray, I don't mind other people doing it, but I am not holding hands and closing my eyes.

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